Embracing 26 and Resolving to Love

Original Post: August 2013

Here I am, sitting in my room after an amazing 26th birthday so overwhelmed by the amount of love that I received from people. I received so many heart felt voice mails, messages via text, twitter, Facebook and Instagram letting me know how people felt about me. I had always hoped that I touched the lives of people in a special way but I have never realized that I actually did and how many people would want to come back and express that to me on my special day. By mid day, I was literally close to tears. I feel so very blessed for the people in my life. I feel blessed to be loved so much. I feel blessed that God has used me to bless others and to make a difference in others life. I’m so thankful!

As giddy as I’m feeling right now, I also came to the realization that this is not a feeling I have all the time. Birthdays are the one time of year that most people really do show how much they care and go out of their way to make you feel special. I mean, on one hand, it DOES make sense, you’re only born once a year. But it had it me thinking…what if we spent more times during the year telling and showing each other how much we love each other? What if we spent more times a year showing that we care? What if we spent more times a year treating people, our loved ones, friends and families special? Not because of an occasion, but just because. What if we showed loved more? How would this world be different? Would there be less violence? Would there be less hurt? Would there be less loneliness? Less depression? Less suicides? Less drama? Less judging of others? Less of hurting each other?

I don’t know, but I think it’s worth a thought. As my chapter to 25 has officially closed and the chapter to 26 is officially open, I resolve to love harder, showing it, telling people, more often than a special occasion. Change starts with me. Tomorrow is never guaranteed and I would like to go to bed every night knowing that if someone in my life doesn’t wake up to see tomorrow, they will know without a doubt, what they mean to me and how special they are. Now I understand that resolving to love more may open me up and make me vulnerable to be hurt my more people…that’s not fun. If it can save a life, if it can mend a broken heart, if it can cause someone’s self esteem to go up, if it can teach others how to love those in their lives…I figure that risk is worth it

Before I end, I don’t know who’s reading this but I would like to say:
You are a beautiful gift to this world and you are always loved

Now I charge you reader, to go spread some love!

xo

Tasha

Saying Goodbye to 25

Original Post: August 19th 2013

So for those of you who follow me on Twitter or Instagram (@AskMYStilettos), you have been seeing my countdown posts for the past week to my birthday. All of them were hash tagged “saying goodbye to 25” so I figured that it would be only right to entitle my blog that way. 

It’s about 11pm right now, about an hour before I officially turn 26 and I decided to sit, chill by myself and reflect on my year as a 25 year old. Some may think that’s boring, but that’s actually my scene, just chill. It also gives me a chance to be silent and sit with God, the One who created me. Ever since I was old enough to do so, I have made it a point to stay up until the time I was born. I was born on August 20th, 1987 at 12:15am. The previous day my mother had gone to the hospital for her check up and they realized that her salt retention was really high and posed a threat to me. As a result, the induced her, performed a c-section and here I am =).

This year has been…interesting. I’ve of course had ups and downs but I remembered my 25th birthday started off on the up physically but on the down spiritually. I had gotten myself so caught up in my old life style in the span of 2 weeks, spiraling out of control and not understanding how I let things get so bad. I won’t go into the details now because that blog is coming in a few weeks so stay tuned =). 

Other than that and as a result of that, I learned a lot about myself, about God, and about people around me. I got deeper into my Word and I fought my way into elevating my relationship in Christ. I developed new crushes, crushes are fun!  I finished my masters degree, wohooo! I blogged about that last week in “Team Masters Degree”. I started living life a little bit more, stepping out of my comfort zone, trying new things and getting out there and meeting new people. I visited San Diego for the first time. I connected with a bunch of my dad’s family through Facebook that I had never known before who all seem so welcoming and interested in getting to know me. One of my uncles is a pastor…how cool!

I could go on and on about every thing that happened this year, but in the end I guess what I’m trying to say is that I made it. Nothing tragic happened to me, every storm, every struggle, every little piece of drama, every trial. I made it through and it made me stronger. Every great thing that happened this year made life sweeter. I will be incredibly blessed to see 26 this year in good health. There are those that have reached my age but struggle with health or don’t have the opportunities that I was blessed with. There are those that were taken from this earth and didn’t get to see this age. I’m so incredibly blessed to have the family that I have, the friends that I have and the acquaintances that I have. 

My prayer this year to continue to build my relationship with Christ, to be more in tune with what He tells me and to find my purpose in life so that I can walk on purpose.  Getting married is a desire of my heart so I plan to be more intentional about preparing myself for my mate while I’m single. I want to be his favor and his helper, not an additional burden. 25 you’ve been good to me. It’s time to close this chapter on the first quarter century of my life and boldly walk into the second quarter century. Bring it on.

Cheers to many more!

xo Tasha

Team Masters Degree!

Original Post: 2013

About a month and a half ago I officially finished graduate school…WOW. I never thought that I would get to this moment. The first day of classes, I can remember walking into class questioning my decision to even enroll in a course. I was intimidated by my classmates and by professors who were teaching in their specialized fields with their big degrees. I was intimidated by the discussions and the big words people used wondering if I was even smart enough or had enough experience to add any significance to the discussion at all. Would I last…?

2 years later I sit and look back at that scared young lady and chuckle at her. With every new class that I enrolled in I remembered myself saying “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this class” but by the grace of God I did. With great grades. I’m so thankful to my Heavenly Father for even blessing me with an opportunity to get a masters degree knowing that I didn’t have the funds to do so.

When I graduated from my undergraduate institution, I knew that if I wanted a graduate education that I would have to secure a job at a higher education institution that would cover my tuition. I prayed, God blessed me with a job. Not just any ‘ole job, but a job I actually liked and enjoyed going to. Now that I was employed, I had to figure out a) what I wanted to study and b) I would have to actually get into the program. If you read one of my previous blogs, you might remember the story I told about having an emotional break down because I didn’t know what I wanted to study or what I wanted to do. I always knew I liked working in the Higher Education industry, that was about it. While training in my new job, I came across a program that was offered in the school that I did admissions for EdM in Policy, Planning and Administration with a concentration in Higher Education Administration. I had no clue one could get a degree in in Higher Ed. Now that was God. Not only was there a degree but it was in a school that I worked which gave me an opportunity to prove myself professionally to the faculty that would eventually be reading my application.

I eventually got up the nerve to submit my application. When it went up to the faculty, even though I had thoroughly networked with them at this point, I asked to be treated like any other applicant. I wanted to get in by my own merit and not because of who I knew. God continued to walk with me to the very end. In my line of work and, being a student who has been through the process I would give a few tips (note this may serve different for other degrees):

1. Do your research: Know exactly what you want to do. It’s pretty awkward showing up to an admissions office to speak with a representative not having a clue what you want to do. They are not career counselors, they are not going to give you a test to figure out your personality or hold your hand through the entire process. It’s not that they’re being mean, it’s just not their area of expertise. It’s very different from undergraduate admissions. They of course, are willing to help guide you but they won’t do it for you. At the graduate level, everything is very specific, so if a school has multiple different programs they won’t have the time to talk about every single detail of every single program

2. Get in touch with faculty: in most grad schools, they are the ones that are making the decision, not the admissions representatives. Since graduate study is so specific, you want to make sure you’re getting the nitty gritty details on the program to make sure that it offers what you  are looking for. You don’t want to go enroll in a program that’s not a good fit for you.

3. Grad school is not like undergrad: This was a factor that shocked me the most. I was used to going to class, hearing a lecture, writing some notes, studying the notes and taking a test. If I were writing a paper in undergrad, I kind of feel like I didn’t really have to KNOW what I was talking about. All I would have to do is appear to know and I’d get a good grade. In grad school…NO. All of my classes were heavily discussion based, no real lectures, I never had a test but had lots of projects and papers to write. Long papers in which I had to know my stuff. Professors will know if you’re bluffing, lol.

4. Use the school’s resources: Grad school is challenging as heck but there is help! Schools often times have tutoring available, TAs, writing clinics and even the professors. Don’t be afraid to ASK if you need the help. The point of grad to IS to challenge you but professors generally want their students to succeed and be great. Use them!

5. Kiss your social life goodbye: for the most part. I was determined to still do all the extra curricular activties that I usually did and was going to hang out with my friends all the time. All that does is overwhelm you, frustrate you and stress you out. Come to terms that if you do see your friends, it won’t be as often…but it’s only for a season and that masters is worth it

I’m so glad for school to be over. Now I can chill and just enjoy life once again. I am appreciative that I am not in the position that I was in last time I finished school. After finishing undergrad, I was an emotional wreck because I didn’t know what was next. Since then, I have found and established a relationship with Christ. In that relationship I have learned to trust Him. So once again, here I am, not knowing what’s next, but I’m calm. Knowing that all I have to do is put one foot in front of the next and I will be LED where I NEED to be.

xoxo
Tasha

Open Letter to Gd: Inspired by the Trayvon Martin Verdict

Original Post: 2013

Please excuse me if I sound like I’m rambling. I just wanted to share something that I wrote to God the moment that I heard the verdict regarding Trayvon Martin. This is just me…unedited and blah.

Sometimes I don’t understand why things happen the way that they do, but I choose to trust in you God. All knowing and all powerful. As I sit here, writing, hurting as an Caribbean American young woman who will one day bare children….I hurt. I pray for the family of Travyvon Martin in regards to the recent verdict concerning his killer, a man that will now walk free. I pray that You will give them peace that passes all understanding. I can’t imagine what it feels like to lose a child, get through that, and have to relive that again through a court proceeding. I pray that this family, despite the circumstances, will have hope and trust in You. When they are weak, let them know that you are strong and that they can lean on you. When they are sad, let them know that joy comes in the morning and they will smile again. When they are lonely, let them know that You will never leave or forsake them…You are always with them.

I pray for those of us with brown skin. At the end of the day, we have communities of people who are hurt, who feel let down, who feel like they are not welcome, wanted or respected in this country. Not to mention that we no longer feel protected in this country. Have we ever been? What now do we tell our children that are growing up? How do we explain the logic behind what has happened? How do we protect our children? My people feel like they are not valued and that their lives mean less to the government than that of an animal. We are YOUR children Lord. Let us not cleave to what other humans may that think of us but speak only what you say about us. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are loved. We are above and not beneath. Lenders and not borrowers. We are blessed. Our hearts will be healed. Heal our hurting hearts. As we reflect on how much we hurt, I imagine this is nothing in comparison to what you felt when Your own people turned their backs on You and crucified You. I can’t imagine how it feels to love us humans so much as we turn our backs on you time and time again when we choose to walk away from you. Help us to forgive. Help me to forgive. Let us not harbor hatred in our hearts.

Teach us to love the way you do even when it’s hard. Teach us how to stand up and peacefully make a difference. There are so many things that we can be doing to help our communities and raising our children. Most of us (including myself) are ignorant to the ways that we can affect change….we just don’t know. Let this anger turn into something positive, let’s learn and finally unite. Stop killing each other. Stop trying to hinder each others success. Let’s start to lift each other up and give back to our communities. This is not a time for us to be divided from others in this country. Let us know that we are not hated by everyone and love those that love us. Most importantly, teach us how to love those that hate us.

Right now, with closed eyes and deep breaths, I choose to trust You. What’s coming is better.

Sincerely,

Your daughter

I've Graduated, Now What?

Original Post: 2013

It was the end of May 2010. I had just graduated from college and had the most amazing farewell from Northeastern University (my alma mater). From Six Flags, to Mohegan, booze cruise to countless parties at clubs. I had a BLAST. And then it all seemed to end abruptly. We were moving out of our college dorms and back to our homes. I watched as my friends moved back to Malden, New Jersey, New York, Maryland etc. It was over…college was over. 

I remember walking into a graduate admissions office a few weeks later to inquire about a Psychology program. Maybe I’d go to grad school at Northeastern, get an internship and go to school for free. This lady in the office started asking me about specifics of what I wanted to do and I couldn’t answer her…I didn’t know. At the graduate level everything is so specific that you can’t not know. I left that office in tears as I called my mom on the phone. Here I was a college grad, still working at her part time job, living at home, not knowing what I wanted to do and not having a plan. For those of you who know me personally,  I function better when I have a plan, I feel secure that way. If my plan doesn’t go they way that I wanted it to go, I have a contingency back up plan. Yup, that’s me. Meanwhile I had friends all around me who were landing full time jobs (many very well paid), planning on getting their own apartments, going to grad school. I felt like everyone was excelling and I was stuck at a stand still. And OF COURSE you have the adults around you asking you “what are your plans now?” I DON’T KNOW! LEAVE ME ALONE!

What I didn’t know back then was that God had (and always has) a plan for me and my life. When I graduated college, I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him and was an emotional wreck from things that had happened in prior months. Not to mention that I was going to be even more of a wreck in the next coming weeks upon finding out about the deaths of my 3 childhood friends. There were a couple things that He needed to clear up in my life before elevating me to a professional career. 

I’m so thankful that He did. That summer I hit a new low and found myself on my knees at the altar giving my life back to Him. Best decision that I made yet. He began to renew me, rebuild me and fix the shattered pieces of my heart. Six months after turning my life around  and getting baptized, I received my first full time job offer. This offer was from a well known university in which I would be able to go to school for free (if I got accepted into a masters program). Seven months after getting hired, I got approval to take classes as a non degree student into the program that I became interested in. Six months later after submitting an application, I was accepted into that masters program. Finally 13 months later (2 weeks ago) I successfully completed that program and will receive a masters degree. 

Looking back, I think of myself as silly, breaking down on the street like that because I didn’t now what I was going to do when all the rest of my friends seemed to have a plan on what they were going to do. God needed to do some work in me and teach me to trust Him and not my pre made plans. He taught me how to take one step at a time, focus on Him and things will fall into place they way that they are supposed to. 

For all you recent graduates out there…congratulations! We did it! I want my story to be encouraging to you. Don’t feel like you have to know everything right now. It’s okay not to know. Trust in God. Follow God. Listen to God. Let Him lead you. Just put one foot in front of the other, take it day by day and keep walking with Him. When you are faithful He will start to open doors you never thought could be opened. Opportunities will come your way. You will have God’s favor, and favor aint fair. Don’t be overwhelmed by those that ask you what is next. Learn to be okay with not knowing, because God’s got you. 

Now that I will graduate from my masters program, I’m (in a way) at the same place like I was when I graduated from my undergraduate degree. People are asking me “what’s next?”. Honestly…I don’t know. The difference now, however, is that I know God and I trust Him and His plan for me. So I will not freak out, I will not be anxious. I’m going to enjoy life, relax, enjoy my job that He has blessed me with and be at peace with the fact that “God’s got this”.

xoxo 

Tasha

Yes, Your One Life Matters

Original Post: 2013

A friend forwarded this to me in an email and I wanted to pass it on to you guys. This speaks volume about embracing who you are the way to you were created to be.

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There has never been and will never be another you. That means the bravest thing you can do is to be who you already are. Because it’s safer to be like someone else. It’s easier to hide. It’s simpler to say, “I’m not good enough” and walk away. But we need you, friend.

We need your gifts.
We need your strengths.
We need your smile.

When you are who you’re created to be, you become a mirror of the heart of the One who made you. The enemy of your soul will try to tell you to change who you are because he would love to interfere with that reflection. Say no, my friend.
No to comparing.
No to competing.
No to copying.

Instead open your heart, spread out your wings, lift up your head and live with divine confidence. You have much to offer. You are a one-of-a-kind original. No one can ever be better than you at being you. Say yes, my friend.
Yes to boldness.
Yes to beauty.
Yes to being who God made you.

Say that “yes” with all your heart for all your life. Speak it with everything you do and all that you become. Because one of the very best ways to change the world is by refusing to change who God created you to be.

By Holly Gerth

xo

Tasha

Creation Consecration: Part 3

Original Post: June 2013

Here we go again guys. It’s June and hence the start of the next 10 day fast. Join me in my journey as I post thoughts that I have or select things that may be revealed to me during this time of consecration.

Day 1
This is always the cold turkey day, just water. I woke up this morning wondering how exactly I’m going to do this since Mondays are my long days for now (work and then class at night). I’m then reminded that my strength lays not in my own body but in Christ. I’ve done this before and so I’ve got this. I’ve never done 2 days cold turkey, maybe I’ll try it out this time and see how far I can get. Meals for the next 10 days will consist of the usual: raw fruit, raw/steamed veggies, raw nuts. No Facebook. No Twitter.

Day 2
"Your Great Name" constantly on repeat. I love this song. It always makes me want to cry. I woke up early this morning, went downstairs to find my mother praying. Now this is nothing new, but today when I saw her I thought to myself how thankful I am for a praying mother. I reap the benefits of her praying for me long before I came to Christ. Not only that, I’m thankful for a mother that walks with Christ genuinely. I have never seen a difference between what she says and what she does. I’m so blessed to have her as my mom.

Day 3
Every step away from God is a step in the wrong direction. Lord I don’t want to go in the wrong direction. I want to stay on the path that you have for me. Open my eyes, unstop my ears so I can clearly see and hear what you want from me.

Day 4
Thankful for godly friends who aim to intentionally walk with Christ. They have been such a blessing during my walk with Christ and a nice crutch to lean on during the fast. Iron sharpens iron and these sisters are SHARP! Know who’s in your circle. If they are not building you up, they’re tearing you down.

Day 5
Walking with Christ in not something that you necessarily have to say verbally. People should be able to see that there is something about you that’s different. A difference in the way that you walk, talk, deal with situations. It also means that there will be situations where you’ll feel very out of place or like the weird one. We have to learn to be okay with that. We weren’t born to fit in, that’s easy. We were born to stand out.

Day 6
God’s timing is perfect. Mines is not. In knowing that I learn to trust and rest in Him and His will for my life. In the mean time I will not allow “peace snatchers” (i.e hopelessness, comparing of self to others etc) to take over my life.  

Day 7
The truth hurts but the truth is also eye opening. My hope is that as I continue to grow in my relationship with Christ, I will not not view truth as being judged by the messenger but rather conviction from God. God convicts and disciplines His children, and I would not be His child if He did not try to correct me. Thank God I’m not where I was was last week, last month, last year or even two years ago. #continuedlgrowth 

Day 8
In my walk with Christ I will most surely encounter storms. That’s life. How I respond to those storms is what will define me as a Christian. Determined to grow, become stronger and let God receive the glory from whatever I go through.

Day 9
In the gospel of Luke, a story is recounted of Zacharias and Mary. The angel, Gabriel, appears to Zacharias and tells him that his barren wife, Elizabeth, was going to conceive. His response was “how CAN this happen?”. As a result, he was muted until his son was born. The same angel, 5 months later, appears to Mary (a virgin) and tells her that the Holy Spirit will impregnate her and she will give birth to the Son of God. Her response was “how WILL this happen?”. Same angel. Similar responses. One key difference in wording. Zacharias' response was one of doubt. Mary's was one of faith. With God ANYTHING is possible. Pay attention to how you respond to Him when He tells you something that may seem impossible to the human eye or thought. I pray that my responses to Him are ones of faith.

Day 10Thankful that God brought me through this fast even though there were moments when I thought that I was not going to make it. Thankful that He brings me through all storms and obstacles. I find it interesting that the fast was announced to be the last 10 days of my graduate student career (one of the biggest obstacles and challenges that I faced over the past 2 years). Today I attended my last class as a masters student. I have officially completed completed my degree. All glory belongs to God, and God alone.

Until next time folks,

Tasha