LOVing You

Hi dolls,

I know...it's been a while. Two years (to be exact) since my last post. A lot has happened, perhaps we will visit that later later.

Today is Valentine's Day and I wanted to write a lil something to encourage those of you who may have had a hard day today because of your relationship status. Perhaps you are single wishing you were in a relationship, wishing that you were married. Perhaps you have gone through a breakup that left you completely broken, and this day reminds you not only of the one that broke your heart, but you have no one to share it with. Perhaps you are mourning the loss of someone that you love because they are no longer here, whether through death or divorce.

Trust me when I tell you that I get it. Last year this time was emotionally the hardest day to get through...so much so that it almost felt like I was physically hurting. I was incredibly broken and hurting so intensely. At the end of the day though I realized: hey, I made it through. It was only one day and I made it. So sis/bro, today may have been extremely hard but there is less than one hour left in the day and you made it.

As you navigate out of this day, I want to encourage you to renew your mind about Valentine's Day and about yourself. A large part of the reason why our emotions are in the dump, we're crying, we're moody etc is because we have allowed certain seeds to be planted in our hearts and minds that is spreading like weeds.

I, for the first time in a couple years have finally come to a point where I am truly content in being single. Consequently, as Valentine's Day approached, I knew I was going to be unbothered about the day. But I had a conversation with someone concerning my relationship status, it was rather innocent, but the words that were said and the questions that were asked of me were seeds planted. Before I knew it, I went from feeling completely fine to inching towards discontentment and sadness about Valentine's Day approaching. I immediately had  a not today satan moment and started praying and declaring things over my life and my mind. What I was doing was pulling up those seeds by the roots before they ever had a chance to become anything more. After giving it back to God, I woke up in the morning feeling completely better and had such a great day. I had joy that exuded so brightly. It showed in the way that I dressed up, the makeup I put on, the pep in my step as I walked around my office, the warm smile that I had and my genuine happiness as I saw people I was connected with on social media shout out their boos. I'm happy y'all are happy man...happy lovers day to you!

This is what I want to encourage you to do, not only on Valentines day but in every day life. Renew your mind, start declaring TRUTH over your life; because your flesh does not control you, you control your flesh. You are the boss. Get in formation bruh. The enemy sneaks around like a roaring lion to see who he can devour. He starts to plant these lies in our minds causing us to doubt our self worth.  #FirstOfAll...Nah. Second #IssaLie . Third #YouTriedIt #TryJesusNotMe. Pull those roots up the moment that you notice them and guard your heart.

Your worth is not found in another human being. Your worth is not found in another human being. Let me say it one...mo'...time....Your worth is not found in another human being. Being in a relationship will not complete you, it will not make you whole. The void you are feeling that you are trying to fill can only be found in Jesus Christ, the one that can make you whole (He's lit like that). So seek Him tonight. Hold on to Him tonight and let Him comfort you; because He cares. He truly cares and desires to have a relationship with you. And guess what? On a day that celebrates love, He is the definition of love. He is love.

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

So how do you renew you mind? Glad you asked. You shoot down every lie of the enemy with the Word of God (The Bible). It is full of His promises, it's full of truth, and it tells you what God thinks about you. One thing that I started to do was select particular topics that I struggled with, and found verses that pertained to that topic. I then say the verses out loud whenever that feeling creeps in. I'll share come below:

When I feel rejected
Psalm 91:14 - The Lord will not reject [me], He will not abandon His special possession

When I doubt my worth
Psalm 139:13-14 - For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

When I feel lonely/alone 
Jeremiah 29:13 - You will seek Me and find Me when you seek me with all your heart

When I feel sad/depressed/heartbroken
Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is close to the heartbroken, He rescues those whose spirits are crushed

So tonight I declare over you: 
1. Your are worthy; your worth is of the highest caliber because of the price that was paid for you
2. You are blessed
3. You are anointed
4. You are called 
5. You have purpose
6. You are delivered and healed
7. You have joy
8. You are whole
9. You have taken the power that February 14th has over you
10. You are FREE

God sees. God hears. God Knows. God Heals. Trust Him. This isn't it.


Please feel free to comment below or send me an email directly to AskMYstilettos@gmail.com if you would like to tell me something privately or request prayer.

xo
Tasha

Safe Haven [My story]

I never thought in my life that I would ever have to get a restraining order against someone. I don't know, I just never thought I would ever be in a situation that would happen to..me. Then Tasha, what type of person do you think these kinds of things happen to, you might ask? I don't know...I'm literally shrugging. But, just not me. Turns out, I am that person...and it happened to me. This is going to be a transparent blog where I open up about being a victim of stalking, how I got, and am getting through and how great God is. I pray that my honesty blesses you. 

I won't go into the entire story Just selected "highlights". I was connected to a man on social media who would send me messages from time to time. Though I never knew him personally, we were connected because I was (at the time) a part of a multi level marketing group in which a portion of what we did was recruit people to join us. So I accepted any and all friend request from people simply because my goal was to eventually contact them to ask if they would be interested in joining our group. So (again) he would message me from time to time and my responses, though polite, were never leading. Eventually I got to the point of asking him if he was interested in a business opportunity. He declined. Great, that was all I needed so I moved on without any intention of speaking to him again.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as His own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father" -Romans 8:15

A few months later this man started sending me a series of bizarre messages that expressed romantic interest. For those of you who know me, whenever anyone expresses interest in me and the feelings are not mutual I get so uncomfortable. My solution is to always avoid. So that, I did. I figured, I don't know him personally, I would never see him, so if I never respond he will go away. For the normal person, that probably would have been true. They would have picked up on the cue and realized that the other party was not interested . For this particular individual, I was wrong. The messages continued (unanswered) for almost a year.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death no life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love -Romans 8:38

Eventually he sent me a message saying that God told him that I'm his wife. Now at this point I'm annoyed because this man won't stop and because (probably from my statuses) he knew of my faith, now he's bringing God into this. I felt it necessary to have the conversation and let him down gently. So I responded and I did (in a very nice way). He still didn't accept that as he still thought I was his wife. It was at this time I shared with my friends at a get together what had been going on for months. One of the ladies that I was sharing with knew him personally. I was told we went to the same university (this I was unaware of as I did not know him), and she was legitimately concerned because he had dated her friend in the past, there was a breakup and the situation escalated to stalking. That, was the first time I realized the potential gravity of the issue that I previously had not taken so seriously. She urged me to be very careful so I started to prepare myself for what may happen. Though at that time I thought, he wouldn't possibly do that...he doesn't even know me personally and he would have to know where I am located..right?

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self discipline - 2 Timothy 1:7

I responded to his last message (in which he didn't seem to get my drift) and was very blunt and clear with him. I ended by asking him not to contact me in the future, deleted our connection on social media and blocked him so that he would no longer be able to contact me. This was precautionary for myself and to also document what was going on if I ever needed it. It seemed to have driven him crazy that he could no longer reach out to me so he started reaching out to several of my friends asking them to relay messages to me. These messages varied from love to anger to pleas saying "your life is in danger". Each of them (through my direction) told him that they will not relay messages and also told him that he needed to stop.

So we can say with confidence "The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?" -Hebrews 13:6

Once all roads of getting in contact with me were blocked (he could not longer get messages to me and third parties were no longer relaying messages), he escalated very quickly to physical stalking. I immediately went to the police as he obviously was doing online research to figure out how to find me and my safety was compromised. The police, by the way, didn't initially take me seriously despite the pages of evidence. They also tried to tell me that it wasn't "stalking" because majority of the interactions were online. Thankfully I was connected to a pastor's friend who was a cop and explained to me what the law was. Legally, it was stalking (I'll explain later). They took my case and moved on.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishments, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love -1 John 4:18

A few days later as I was at work, our receptionist came to my office and said "[insert his name] is here to see you". Y'all...he came to my job. I'm assuming he did an online search of me, found my Linkedin Profile, saw where I worked, went to my job's website to see where we were located and...came...to...my...job. Can I be honest here? I momentarily froze with fear, but quickly had to snap out of it and go in protective mode for the receptionist, myself and my colleagues. I didn't know if he was dangerous. I didn't tell her what was going on but told her to have him take a seat so that he would think every was okay. I had to tell my boss and then called the police who escorted him out and informed him that he is not allowed at my place of employment or they will arrest him. We had to rush to find a judge that evening to serve him with an emergency restraining order.

My God is my rock, in who I find protection. 

He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety

He is my refuge, my Savior, the one who saves me from violence 

2 Samuel 22:3

**Pause** Can we talk about my job really quickly?
At the time this happened I was relatively the new girl on the job, I had just gotten a new position and had been there for only 3 months. It's hard enough being the new girl trying to "fit it" with the new colleagues. Then to have this incredibly personal thing blow up and happen at your job where everyone sees cops running into your office. It was an incredibly hard thing to endure. My bosses were nice enough to give me the next day off but when it was time for me to come back...I dreaded it. I didn't want to endure the stares and gossip about what may have happened. Immediately I thought to myself "I have to get a new job" and actually updated my resume and started applying elsewhere. However, that wasn't God's plan for me and He shut every single door until I got the picture (I'll talk more about that later too).

**Continue**

Now we're in the trial process, it's very lengthy. Thankfully he seems to be obeying the restraining order but my life had been drastically. There were so many things I had to do and still have to do daily to make sure that I am safe.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my Savior;

my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.

He is my shield, the power that saves me,

and my place of safety

Psalm 18:2

About 1 year ago we had a blizzard called Juno in which we received so much snow over the period of 2 days. The entire state was on lock down and there was a driving ban. Conditions outside were pretty dangerous and there was zero visibility. But soon it cleared up, the sun was shining so beautifully and the skies were so clear, however once you got outside there was definitely evidence of the storm. There was snow everywhere. It would easily take hours to clear my entire driveway and sidewalks. All I could do though, was to determine to do a little bit at a time, and eventually it would all get done. While shoveling I felt God talking to me about what I've been through. Yes the sun was shining in my life in that there were no more incidents to date, but I still had to deal with the trauma/residue/feelings that came as a result of this. I, with His help, had to dig myself out. There were times as I was shoveling that I got tired and frustrated  because there was still so much more to do. When that would happen I would turn around to see how much I had already did. It encouraged me, because I didn't think that I would have been able to do all that I did. I was able to turn around with new found encouragement and keep going. The healing process for me has been slow and I'm definitely not 100% yet, but I'm better than I was yesterday, last week, last month, last year. I'm moving forward.

For you are my refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.

Pslam 61:3

After hours of shoveling and getting everything done, the next day I woke up to find that a plow truck had pushed all the snow that I had shoveled back on about 50% of my side walk. I was so mad! I thought I was done. Sometimes situations like this happen to us. I thought I was healed, I thought I had worked on everything and then a triggering event happens and we have this junk thrown back all over us. I want to encourage you to not be discouraged. I just got back up that day and dug myself out again. And I will continue to dig myself out, I will continue to look towards Christ, I will continue to proclaim His name and proclaim healing and victory. I will continue to press forward and take my life back, I refuse to let the devil win this battle. I will let out a war cry.


So what do you do if you think you are being stalked? Sometimes it's really hard to identify when someone is displaying inappropriate intrusive behavior especially when most of it is online. It's so easy for us to have access to one another via the internet these days which could be great for things like keeping in touch with family, friends, classmates or networking and it can be bad when it makes it easier for predators to find their prey.

• I started doing this before the stalking started, but if it's not a professional website (like LinkedIn) don't accept friend requests from people that you don't know. They can still message you if they want to chat and get to know you. 
• Keep profiles private so that you can control who sees your information and who doesn't
• Be careful about what you post. There are people who post every minute about where they are going, who they will be with, what time etc and it can make it very easy for anyone to find you. I personally never did that. If I posted details about where I was I would do it after the fact. Even though I didn't post my exact locations he still found me. Imagine how easy it will be for people to find you if you tell them where to go
• If you are on a professional website like LinkedIn don't "friend" everybody. I understand that you want to network which is fine, but if you are going to be connected to someone make sure that connection has a purpose. A lot of reasons for connecting can be carried out simply through messaging (which you don't have to be friends with them to do). Select carefully. 
• Be honest and blunt. I have learned that it does no one any good by avoiding the issue. Be upfront if you are not interested in someone instead of avoiding..that way they know. In normal cases the party will stop. In my case obviously something was wrong with him and it caused the situation to escalate very quickly but at least I said it, and it was documented. That makes my case stronger
• Know the law. Legally stalking covers any situation in which you have told a person to stop whatever behavior they are doing (i.e contacting/seeing you) and they continue to do it more than three times (directly or indirectly). Note: this law is relatively (as in a couple years old) new. Previously one could not have a case of stalking unless you were at one point where romantically involved with the perpetrator. So if this happened a couple years ago, there would be nothing that I could do about it. Look...at...God. 

What do you do if you are being stalked?

• Collect evidence
• File a police report
• Tell your close friends, family members, church leaders, job as it affects your safety
• Tell the offender to stop
• Don't downplay the situation. If you think that something is off or that you may be in danger, trust your instincts (which I like to refer to as God), because you are probably right
• Research support groups/agencies. Get the support you need
• The Victim Rights Law Center is an agency that I personally worked with. They provide attorneys that specialize in sexual assault who can represent you or simply give you legal advice concerning your specific situation. They also do safety planning with you to ensure that you have set up the tools need to ensure your safety in every location you are in along with making sure you're safe while travelling to and from your destination
• I was also referred to an app called Life360. It's a GPS system that you can add anyone that you like to. It will tell them 24/7 where you are. I had about 6 people in my circle, always told them when I was going somewhere (i.e church, work) then "checked in" once I reached my destination. The check in sends them a text alert that I have arrived. It also has a "panic" feature in case of an emergency. This triggers the app to send emails, text and phone calls to the people in your circle saying something is wrong, call her. It's FREE!

What do you do if you know someone who is being stalked?

• Be there for them. I am extremely independent, my mom taught me to be that way and I am generally very good at it. Naturally I wanted to handle this by myself because that's what I do (I'm actually uncomfortable asking for help). I have amazing friends though. When he came to my job and I was at the police station my friend decided that despite me saying I was fine to get home, she drove to me anyways, picked me up, drove me to another police station (I had to make a report with both my job's police station and my city's police station). She stayed with me for hours. Another friend drove in from another city to meet us at the other police station got me food and drove me home. I'm extremely grateful I didn't think I needed the help and support initially but when they were there I realized how much I needed them. I'm so happy God sprung them into action. It's truly a heavy burden to carry on your own
• Don't blame them. Stalking falls under the category of sexual assault. Just as you wouldn't blame a rape victim for being raped, you don't want to blame a stalking victim for this situation. No matter what a person is doing, once they say no or stop it means just that.
• Pray for them. They need it.

As I mentioned earlier, the moment that I realized he knew where I worked, I was ready to be out. I applied and had interviews with positions that I was well qualified for. However, God shut those doors. In the moments when I decided to run, God was challenging me to stand firm in Him. He was calling me to trust Him in a way that I had never trusted Him before. He was calling me to acknowledge the reality of the situation: this man knows exactly where to find you, he can come back at any time, he can be following you but despite that God..is...bigger. Will you trust Him? Will you believe that He can make you safe? No weapon formed against you will prosper Isaiah 54:17

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:16

These days life is as normal as it can be under the circumstances. I have realized that this is a story and reality that I will live with for the rest of my life. It's not a phase that happens and then a few months after it's no longer a factor, I wish that were the case but it is not. I could be hostile in general or hostile towards him for seemingly changing my life forever without my permission, but I was brought to a place of humility in realizing he is just as broken and in need of a Savior as I am. God challenged me to forgive him and to pray for him. Every time I feel like I'm mad at him, pray for him. Pray for his mental healing and for sanity to be restored. In freeing him through forgiveness I actually freed myself.

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

Before I wrap up, I would like to say something really quickly about language. The term stalking is a part of our everyday language in a light heart way. We use it as jokes to say: oh your stalking me, I'm about to go stalk your Facebook profile etc. For me personally, I don't necessarily get offended when I hear it being used that way but there is a "flinch" I feel. Stalking is real, it's traumatic, it's not a joke and shouldn't be used lightly. Imagine being a victim of rape and people around you use the term rape in a light heart way. I'm not saying those two are the same but more for illustrative purposes. I say we because I used to do it too. You never know who you're around and what they have experienced. So as I've been transparent with you, my hope is that people will be sensitive to that and not use that term lightly. 

Also, I've shared this story one on one with select individuals and people have actually told me "That sucks but I can understand why he would want to do that. You're great/gorgeous/beautiful/the bomb". I get it, you're trying to compliment who I am as a person...but that's not helpful. Don't say that you stalking victims. Just don't. 

So yeah, that's my story. I could find a poetic way to end this blog but I'm not going to, lol. If you noticed there are verses that I placed strategically that focus on fear and God's protection. These are verses that I meditated on that helped get me through, because I had to remember who God is. The experience sucked, it still does but it brought forth a testimony of God''s faithfulness even when the devil tried to come at me side ways. I lived, I learned I grew. Onward and upward. 

If you have, think you are or are currently struggling with the same thing and need prayer, please feel free to to comment below or send me a personal note to askmystilettos@gmail.com

Until next time
xo

Farewell 27. Welcome 28

This year seemed to be a repeat from last year as I cried multiple times on my birthday. However, this year was different. Last year I was in tears because of confrontation, I was being intruded upon and being mistreated (yes on my special day...the audacity, lol) where as this year my tears were from immense joy as my heart was so moved and full of all the love that I received.

Some members of the dinner crew

27 was a year that challenged me in a way that I had never been challenged before. I entered that year hopeful but restless, sensing that something in my life was about to change and move me. The Lord had been placing it on my heart for a few months at that time but I couldn't figure out why. When I found out why, it rocked my world. Threatened my sense of self, safety and security. Challenged what I knew about God and if I was going to trust Him during that season. It was at that time time, as God moved me, that I began to realize the significance of community. It was at time time that I truly began to see and understand that there are people everywhere that are incredibly broken and hurt. It was at that time that as I entered a safe place where I could begin my healing process, that I learned the importance of loving through it all and forgiving trespasses against me.

This was also the year that I started my new job. Since graduating from college I had been in an entry level position where I had finally learned how to perfect what I did and I loved being the expert and knowing everything to do. The Lord placed it on my heart that it was time to leave and be promoted to a different position. So I did, I applied for new jobs and got the position. This new position was nothing like what I did before and it was clear from the very first day that there was a very steep learning curve that I would have to endure. I was also told that I really wouldn't know how to do my entire job for at least 1 year. That's a lot of learning. This challenged me. I spent most of every day questioning my intelligence and whether I could actually do the job. Had I made a mistake in taking this position? Had they made a mistake in hiring me? This forced me to a place where I literally had to give it it God every single day. I had no choice. I literally did not know what to do. It was in that place where God had to give me wisdom to get through the day and I was heavily dependent on Him every day.

Now 28 is here I enter this age knowing that God is still moving and seeing how He is (and has been) strategically putting things and people in place to set me up for what I need and where He will be taking me. I think it all hit home after digesting everything from my actual birthday. I feel like I always say this but I think it's worth mentioning again, it's so important to tell the people in your life that impact you just how much they have impacted you and what they mean to you. All of us struggle at one time or another with insecurities, comparisons, discontentment as we try not to accept the lies of the world. We live our lives being friends, moms, employees, husbands, wives and feel like the things we do (or don't do) are just...that, face value. Receiving the messages that I did from people via social media, text messages, phone calls and cards I was taken for surprise. Literally utter shock. I knew that people generally liked me (or seemed to) in the circles that I frequented but I never realized what I meant to them. When these things were told to me I was literally moved to tears...the entire day.

With Dira and Amberlea who was also celebrating her birthday. Happy birthday Amberlea!

As much as people thanked me, I thank God for using lil' ole me to do what He has called me to do. I am always in this constant struggle with Him because my natural personality is to be shy. As a result I love doing the work of the Lord but I am actually one of those people that wants to be in the background and actually mean it. I don't want people to see me, I don't want the praise, I definitely don't want the "stage" nor do I want to lead. I just want to be a part of the team (body of Christ) working silently in the background to further God's Kingdom. Though this is what I am content with and my comfort zone, God has constantly called me into positions that require leadership, encouragement and heavy people interaction. It's this pull and tug because I'm literally like "nah, I don't want people to see me" and God is like "I''m calling you out", "I want you to speak up". So I do what I do out of obedience to Him. I never want to walk in disobedience and have my disobedience be tied to someone never knowing the love of Christ. So I thank God, again, for using me. All that I mean to my community is seriously the Christ in me. I am nothing without Him. I also want to encourage someone who may feel like they are not being used because they don't see anything in the physical. You are the answer to someone's prayer. You may not know it because you think you're not doing anything grand, but you are. People are watching you and are affected by what you do in their lives. Don't you dare believe that you are not being used by God. If you are submitted to His will, He is using you.

My gift box!

Before wrapping this up I wanted to share with you a gift box that some of my friends gave me (which added to the tears). (And just to emphasize how emotional of a moment this was, I was crying so much that my mom who was sitting and watching me go through things, started to cry too. My mom...does not cry, lol. Y'all moved my mama to tears, haha). I was so moved because each thing in there was legit tailored to me and showed just how much attention they paid to who I really am. This speaks volumes to me because I sometimes struggle with feeling that no one knows the real me (deep down inside) and if they did then they wouldn't love me. This gesture showed me that people actually did know the real me and loved me regardless. Thank God for using these women to cast down the lie of the enemy!

 Gift cards: if you know me I love gift cards! I'm always shopping for things on amazon. I love going to the movies and recently scaled back a lot because it ends up costing me too much (now I can go a couple times woot!), and I love a general gift card that I can use anywhere. 

• Epson salt: I love taking baths! It's my go to for relaxing quiet time with Jesus. I always use Epson salt because it soothes my body and I ran out of it a few weeks ago.

• Candy: I'm not much of a social candy eater but I have noticed within the past couple months that after I eat lunch at work I have this sweet tooth and I want to have a small piece of candy. I'm trying to be fit and healthy overall so I like small individual sizes that allow me to eat a little bit per day. I allow myself one bag per month so this is going to last me for a while

• Skittles! Now I know it's candy still but I just have to point this out. Though I'm not much of a candy person my go tos are Skittles and Starbursts. Anyone who knows me know I love the purple bag. I don't really mess with the red or blue bags unless I have to

• Bikini razor: I saw one in the store a few months back while shopping with friends and was intrigues. I wanted to try it. They took note and got it for me!

• Mugs: I'm forever drinking tea at work

• Optimus Prime: This was so clever! If you know me you know I have a love affair with Optimus Prime from the movie Transformers. Yes, I am aware he is a robot, but he's so yummy!

• A journal: I write...a lot. If you notice me in church I always have a notebook where I am writing down notes. I also write letters to God and a lot of blogs start in my journal.

• A plaque "Don't let anyone ever steal your sparkle": I was looking for small decorative things like this to decorative my room and my office. I chose to take this to my office to also encourage my students!

Picture frames with pictures from some of my friends: I lack these and wanted them so bad. Again for my room and for my office. Now I have some. Where did yall get these from? I need to get more frames! LOL

• Perfume! If you know me you know I love perfumes and also love to have an assortment to mix it up everyday. My stash of perfumes was depleted earlier this year and I've wanted to refill my inventory for the longest time but it's so hard finding stuff for reasonable prices and scents that you like. Now I have an inventory and they smell amazing!
• A cross necklace with matching earrings: I love anything that represents Jesus and I was actually looking for smaller cross earrings. Such a beautiful set!

Popcornnnn! Let's do a praise dance for a minute cuz I'm ready to shout gloraaaay! Again, you would have to know me to know that I am obsessed with popcorn. All kinds. Skinny Pop in the back is my favorite because it makes me feel less guilty but I'll take it all.

This last thing is a google image because it's not actually here yet. My pastor recommended this to our church group a few months back. This is a set that provides a guide to every book of the New Testament. It includes translations, discussions, explanations and background information. I told everyone that I wanted this for my birthday and if they were trying to brainstorm anything to get me they could donate to the fund to help me purchase this for myself. Either way I had every intention of purchasing this as a birthday gift whether or not people donated. Thank you to all of you who donated money. This truly was a gift because I received enough to purchase without having to pay on my own. It's such a blessing and I'm so excited because it arrives in the mail tomorrow! Thank you, thank you, thank you! If you are interested in getting one of your own It's called "New Testament For Everyone Set, 18 Volumes" by N.T Wright. I am also willing to share mines with you provided that I personally know you and you are in the Mass area!

The cards are not pictured because I wanted to keep those intimate words for myself. Don't be too mad cuz yall got to see everything else, lol. Thank you to everyone that made my 28th so memorable. Thank God for another year in life. I look forward to what God is going to do in this year.

xo
Tasha

One of my sisters and I

He Wants ME

Yall know transparency is my thing so I'm going to jump right in.

For the past few weeks I have been struggling with my singleness...a lot. I struggle with it from time to time (far and few in between) for short periods of time, but this has been the longest stretch of struggling that I had ever experienced  and I couldn't figure out why. What is going on God? I found myself in a completely frustrated state in which I was actually mad about...well everything. I was tired of the sayings:

• God is preparing you to be a wife, you're not ready yet
• God is hiding you until the time comes
• This is only a season and it will come to an end
• You're a great catch and any man would be lucky to have you. Have confidence in yourself

I didn't want to hear it anymore. See, I'm a very logical person, and the reason I decided not to believe these things anymore is because logically, they no longer made sense to me. I am 27 years old and I have been walking with Christ for 5 years,

• you really want me to believe that the 21 year old woman who is getting married was more prepared that I was (spiritually, emotionally etc.)?
• you really want me to believe that God seems to be hiding only me and not anyone else
• this has been a loooong season
• If I'm a catch, someone should be trying to catch me right or nah? That's technically the definition of a catch. If no one is trying to catch the catch then how can the "catch" believe that they are truly a catch? Stay with me here. The evidence proves otherwise. If in 5 years no Christian man has tried to pursue the catch, then the catch has every right to believe that they are, in fact, not a catch...which the evidence supports

So that's where I was, struggling and feeling defeated about it all. Wondering what was wrong with me? Do I have some sort of a generational curse on me? I mean, the women in my family for the most part were never married or had failed marriages. Did I have a neon billboard attached to me that said "stay away, bad product" or am I simply not good enough?

As I began to think of these things my past thinking started to creep into my present consciousness. I spent my entire college career BC (before Christ) trying to find "the one". I was supposed to meet my one day husband while we were in college, we were to start dating and fall madly in love with one another, he was to propose on the day we graduated, we would get married and live happiy ever after. That was the plan. Instead this naive girl found herself in a college culture where relationships weren't official. I convinced myself then men only had this attitude because they hadn't met me yet. Once they got to know me, they would realize that I was worth so much more and my plan would commence. Instead I got caught in a world wind where I repeatedly got my heart broken when there was no commitment and they chose other girls. It reinforced my belief that I was not good enough, curvy enough, smart enough or pretty enough. Now this girl who has turned into a woman is today experiencing the same feeling of not being "picked" at all in 5 years since she decided to pursue Christ. The feelings of insecurity begin to creep back.

In going through this phase I had one of the realest conversations that I have ever had with God. I legitimately told Him that I was without hope...I was letting it go. All those things where He told me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) I flat out told Him "I don't believe you, I don't trust those words and I'm over it". I had resolved to live my life with the expectation that I will never be picked, I will never be married, I will never have kids. As a result I will continue to live my life and adjust myself to fit those expectations as sad as that sounded. And that's how I was living.

This past weekend I attended the 3rd annual Heart to Heart Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta, GA and I was in expectation to receive. I told God that if He did not want me to live in this constant state of hopelessness that He would have to meet me right where I am at the conference, and boy did He show up. Now God didn't use these speakers and His Word to talk to me about anything new. He just needed to remind me of a few things:

• He loves me like crazy (Jeremiah 31:3). Even in moments when I'm not the nicest to Him. It must have broken His heart to hear me tell Him that I did not believe Him. It breaks my heart to think that I broke His
• God's purpose for creating me does not lay solely in me being a wife. Yes it would be a nice added extra but I was created to glorify Him and to minister to a dying world. I was created to win souls for Christ. There are friends, family, coworkers and an entire world around me that are on their way to hell because they don't know Christ. What God has in store for me is much greater than a spouse, much greater than I ever imagine but I'm so busy complaining, comparing, having a critical attitude and compromising that I can't even see what He is trying to show me. Distracted much?
• I felt sad because I felt that the fact that no one has shown interest meant that no one wanted me. God reminded me that He wants me, all of me. I'm not the most popular kid on the block, never have been. I've never been the extrovert or the person that mingled easily with people. I'm on the shyer, quieter side and my friends can attest that I'm very....unique (LOL). At times it makes me insecure because I feel that no man will find that attractive. He'll want a woman who can work the room...that's not me. Again, God doesn't care about any of that, He wants me just as I am. In essence I think that's what I needed, I needed to feel wanted

So now I'm in a place where God is beginning to restore me. I'm not in a place of hopelessness anymore and I'm not in a place where I don't believe what God has to say about me. I believe that what God has for me is for me and there is no one or nothing that can stop me from getting it. I do continue to press into Christ and want to focus more on just pursuing Him and what doing what He wants me to do. I want to be passionate about pursing Him with no ulterior motives and be completely content in Him. I need that contentment because if a husband and kids are not what He has for me I want to be in a position where I would be okay with that and continue to live my life fully because God is enough.

Honestly I'm not there yet, but I am excited to get there. If, in pursing Christ a man does come along then that's great...but for now, I'm focused on Him and I.

I open up and share this story because I want to encourage you single person to really be intentional about enjoying this season for all it is. I know that we all struggle with this feeling of being unwanted and feeling like God has forgotten about you. The devil is a liar. Take back the truth and don't allow him to have a field day in your mind and in your emotions. You're allowed to feel sad if that's what you need, but don't sit and wallow in that sadness for weeks. Get up and do God's work, your entire life is a ministry and there are souls assigned to you. Until you can honestly say that you are completely content with God and only God, you're not ready to be married. Getting married is not going to solve your loneliness or unhappy problem. Your spouse will be human and 100% will fail you. You will need to bring your whole and content self into that marriage so that you are depending on God, not your spouse to bring you eternal joy (because you've had so much practice with that in your single season). Let's do a quick #IdolCheck #RealityCheck #HeartCheck and make sure that Jesus, not a relationship, is at the front of your mind.

Here are some verses to meditate on:

Psalm 55:22  Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

1 Peter  5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Isaiah 30:18 Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. 

Philippians 4:11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

I hope my willingness to be open has blessed and convicted you. Please feel free to comment below or send me a directly email ro AskMYstilettos@gmail.com if you would like to tell me something privately or request prayer.

xo
Tasha

Fight For Godly Friendships

A few weeks ago I was praying with a friend and God pressed something on my heart about godly friendships. I think this message can apply to the whole body of Christ, but for the purposes of this blog I'm going to focus on women.

It's not very often that you see women genuinely walking with each other as friends or as a sisterhood without any jealousy, bitterness, gossiping, back stabbing or tearing each other down. We roll our eyes at it or get angry when it happens to us, but if we're truly honest with ourselves, we are never surprised. It's just what happens. I have had the pleasure of fellowshipping with and building friendships with women who make it their goal to be genuine and truly love one another, and each time it just blows my mind at how awesome that is. They are loving, uplifting, encouraging and speak life into me.

Let's be real though, we women have a lot of emotions and are emotionally led. I realize now that the devil doesn't want us godly women connected with one another. There is power in agreement and he knows that

Matthew 18:19 

 I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you

Imagine the kind of power that we would have if we stopped tearing each other down, agreed and truly stood in unity and community with one another. Since the devil knows that, he will do any and everything that he can to keep up separated from one another. He is going to attack the relationship that you have with other women of God.

I want to encourage you today to not let that happen. Let's be intentional about keeping healthy godly relationships. We all have different backgrounds and point of views so differences are bound to arise. You might unintentionally do something to offend someone as a result. You may say something in a way that is interpreted another way to another sister. You might get in little arguments with one another. That's okay, that's life. Instead of being so quick to cut people off (because that's easy and I'm def the one to be like "I'm out") take a moment to realize that it's not necessarily beneficial to you, that friend or the body of Christ. We have to realize that this brotherhood and sisterhood that we develop with one another is more than just us, it's about the body, it's about the Kingdom of God. When you realize that, your perspective changes and you take your eyes off of you. Nothing that we Christians do on this earth is about us, it's about Him (Christ). We live to bring glory to His name so that people can know who He is.

So I want to encourage you today to fight for godly friendships. If something happens, go talk to your friend and resolve to reconcile the relationship. If someone has hurt you, forgive them as Christ freely forgives us every...single...day. If you have hurt or offended someone, apologize. Ask them what you can do to make it better. Learn from the situation and don't do it again. When those thoughts of jealousy and bitterness start to creep in your mind cast them down.

Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it

You don't have time for that. Fight your flesh daily to take the easy way out. Determine to love unconditionally as Christ has loved us .

John 13:34

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other

We can't change other people, the only person we can change is ourselves. So today, make the decision to fight. Many times this is going to call for you to be humble and die to your flesh. It may suck you'll be iight.

**Note: I am talking about godly friendships specifically here. Sometimes there are friendships that are toxic or the season is up. Pray about it and if God leads you to go your separate ways then definitely obey Him in that area**

Feel free to email me at ASKmyStilettos@gmail.com if you have any comments, questions or prayer requests that you would like to share with me privately.

xo

Tasha

Run to God, not Humans

I want to start this blog off with this disclaimer: I believe in the gift of prophesy.

I believe the Lord gives all of us special gifts and talents to be shared with others and used for the Kingdom. I believe all of these gifts has it's place in the body and is of great use to us Christians. As I was thinking about certain gifts, I felt it on my heart to write a blog warning Christians to be careful not to use the gifts that God has given to humans as a substitute for speaking to God Himself. For the purposes of this blog, I will reference the gift of prophesy and the gift of dream interpretation as my examples.

A few months ago I spoke to a friend who has the gift of prophecy who shared things with me that God revealed to her in terms of me. One of of things that she shared to me was a complete shock, so much so, that I had to grab my bearings for a bit. See I was so surprised because God had said nothing to me in regards to this particular topic...nothing at all. So I was left wondering, where is this all coming from? Since then, I have not done what I was told to do as yet because God still has said nothing to me about it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying what was shared to me was untrue...it could very well be true. However, prophesy can be complicated sometimes; it could mean something that is going to happen right now, something that is going to happen in the future or even give a partial clue but not the whole picture.

So I have been staying put, I have not moved and I am seeking God on this. Why? Because God will never reveal something about you to someone else without telling you first or confirming by speaking to you about it after. God is not a respecter of persons, if He talks to someone else, He will surely talk to you too. He sent His one and only Son to this earth to die for you so that He can break the barrier that was separating you and I from Him. We don't need a secondary person to hear from Him, we can hear from Him on our own.

Again, I'm not discrediting the gift of prophesy or dream interpretation, what I'm trying to say, it grieves my heart when I see Christians clinging to the words of people who have these gifts and depend on them to hear from God instead of going on their faces to God on their own. That can be dangerous! Yes God has gifted these people but we also have to remember that they too are humans, they don't live perfect sinless lives and there are subject to struggling with the flesh. What if one day, what they're telling you is not from God but from their flesh? How will you know? When will you know? Especially if you are depending on them to hear from a message from God? You won't! And you risk doing something or going on a path that is completely opposite of where God wants you to be, because you listened to what someone told you He said without taking the time to go into prayer and getting that confirmation from God.

He is not a source, He is THE source, let us not forget that. Let us stop making idols of these people and go back to worship the true God. Having a problem? Not sure what to do? Waiting to hear from God? Stop running to go on the prophet conference calls looking to hear from him. Stop going to church and expecting your preacher to give you a personalize message from God. Had a weird dream and not sure what it means? Stop running to look for dream interpreters to find out the meaning. Get on your face and talk to the Dream Giver.

I'm so passionate bout this because I, too at times have slipped up and been this person. I've been the person sitting in the audience at church while the speaker starts to pick out people and prophesy over them and hope that he picks me because I want to get a message too. I have been the person to hang around those who can prophesy in hopes that they will tell me something from God. I have been the one who has had dreams ( I dream a lot) and went around asking people "what do you think it means? I would ask a lot of people. Never once did I ask God what it means.

So if you're reading this and you know you have the tendency to do this, let's agree to stop. Let's agree to share this with other people who might have the tendency to do this (run to humans instead of God). Believe me, I get it. The idea of getting this information from a human seems great because it's easy. It's a real person on the other line or standing in front of you, it's audible so there is no question about what they're saying. It could be someone of influence that you respect and their spiritual life is on point or spiritual maturity level is high so it it must be from God. But let us practice patience. Run to God. He wants to talk to you. He wants to share with you. He wants you to take some time and listen to Him and what He is telling you. Sometimes when you ask Him for direction, answers, clarification or meaning the answer is yes, no, we'll see, silence or not now. Just because you don't hear anything from Him right there in that moment doesn't mean you go running to someone else. Wait on the Lord. I'm sure there are times when people have dreams and seek God's face, He leads them to another brother or sister within the body to get the answer. That's okay. Sometimes God will send someone to you who He has given the answer to. That's okay. Just make sure other humans aren't your first stop.


As I was writing this blog, this article was shared with me. Here's an example of someone h"hearing from God" gone wrong:
Pastor Impregnates 20 Members of His Congregation and Claims the Holy Spirit Told Him to Do it

I hope this was a blessing to you and that your eyes have been opened or refocused.

xo
Tasha

Hello Pot...Meet Kettle

If you've been a follower of my blogs from the moment that I started writing about 3 years ago, you'll probably notice that there is one thing that I generally don't discuss, homosexuality. I am fully aware of it and to be completely honest it's something that I intentionally (publicly) stay away from. Why? Fear. Fear of being persecuted for my beliefs and opinion on the whole issue and fear that the moment that I say that it is a sin and I don't believe in it, I will be completely blocked out without a chance to further explain where I stand. I fear the rejection, hate, and persecution for any Christian that opens their mouth concerning this subject.

There actually was a time when I first started writing blogs where I actually wrote about homosexuality. The struggle I experienced to understand it, how this related to the Bible and the what God thought about it. I met a young woman online who was a lesbian, got saved and delivered from homosexuality and I got a chance to reach out to her, have a real conversation and she helped me understand some things that were beyond my scope of understanding. The blog that I wrote, was about that conversation that I had with her, but here we are... three years later and it still sits in my drafts...never published. Fear.

I had a conversation a few months ago that laid heavy on my heart in regards to homosexuality. It lays so heavy that I have to push pass this fear and share with you. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind

Fear is not of God, it is from the devil and he uses it as an attempt to stifle us into not speaking or doing as God says. If you pushed pass that fear and spoke (or acted) it would mean that you would speak a message to someone that needed to hear that message which could, in turn, change their life. This message is for you (including myself), Christians and I hope it convicts you:

About to learn how to salsa dance with some friends last year

I was having a conversation with a group of friends in regards to men and women in the church who are homosexual and serving in ministries. Let's take a worship leader for example, is it appropriate for him/her to lead worship if they are homosexual? Is that hurting or helping the body of Christ? A point of view was given that if they have been in the church for years and hearing the Word of God and are a Christian, by now they should have come out of that lifestyle? Why haven't they changed by now?

Please note I will hold my response to these questions until the end of the blog.

The conversation then switched over to homosexual artists. If you liked a singer and their songs and you then found out later down the road that they are homosexual, would that change the way you viewed them? A comment was made that this would change the way the person would think about them, they might not listen to them anymore or support their music anymore. This made me think of other conversations that I've had where people (remember I'm talking about Christians here) would stop watching a movie if there was a homosexual scene in it or not go see the movie at all if they knew ahead of time. Or some choose to not watch TV series such as The Fosters because it's about a homosexual couple. Oh no, we're not going to look at that...right?

My response to all of this:

Since when did it become okay to put the sin of homosexuality in a complete category from every other sin? Do we not say that one sin isn't bigger than the other? Are they not all the same? Just because a lot of times homosexuality is more visible to the eye than others that aren't easily seen (such as lust, fornication, masturbation etc) doesn't mean that we have a right to judge that more harshly than other sins. I don't think we understand that, that is what we do. We judge the sin that can seen more than the secret sins. 

For the worship leader that we were we speaking about earlier. My response to that thought is: it's unfortunate that the person is still in that life style and hasn't been delivered yet. However, there are many of us in the church struggling with our own sins whether it's fornication, adultery or  addictions, there is something that we struggle with or have struggled with, and we too have been in the church, serving in ministry and hearing the Word for years. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's okay to stay in that place, we need to be intentional about praying for deliverance and doing our part (i.e. take action) to get free. So why is it taking that that gay man or lesbian woman so long to get free? Probably the same reason it took you a while to get free from your mess. 

In regards to homosexual artists, or acts on TVs and movies, I thought to myself that it was interesting how some of us choose to draw the line there. We're Christians, we don't condone and therefore will not watch it or not support those artists. Yet, we'll listen to songs and watch movies with foul language, degrading language, explicit sex scenes with an unmarried couple (or hook up). We'll tolerate seeing things that promote pride, lust, fornication etc and we'll be completely unphased by it. But homosexuality? Oh no that's not okay.

So what am I trying to say?  I'm saying we need to do better, myself included. I too am guilty at times of separating one sin out from another as if one is worse that the next and that's really not the case. Just because a sin can be seen better than another does not give us the the right to judge it more harshly than another. Most of the times we shouldn't even be judging (can I be real?). We are called to judge each other righteously which means that I am sharing the truth with you or correcting you in love. If  we're honest with ourselves, a lot the times we (Christians) judge, it comes from a place of hate or level of superiority where we are looking down on you for what we have "caught" you doing. Now I'm not telling you what artists you should and should not listen to, what movies you should and should not watch, that's between you and God. Just make sure that whatever you choose to do isn't contradictory.

Let's do better guys. Let's be Christ representers. Let's be love.

For those of you who may be intrigued by the blog I wrote three years ago but never published out of fear. I will finally break out of that and publish that blog next. Stay tuned.

 Waiting in line to learn how to salsa dance last year

xo 

Tasha