This year seemed to be a repeat from last year as I cried multiple times on my birthday. However, this year was different. Last year I was in tears because of confrontation, I was being intruded upon and being mistreated (yes on my special day...the audacity, lol) where as this year my tears were from immense joy as my heart was so moved and full of all the love that I received.
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| Some members of the dinner crew |
27 was a year that challenged me in a way that I had never been challenged before. I entered that year hopeful but restless, sensing that something in my life was about to change and move me. The Lord had been placing it on my heart for a few months at that time but I couldn't figure out why. When I found out why, it rocked my world. Threatened my sense of self, safety and security. Challenged what I knew about God and if I was going to trust Him during that season. It was at that time time, as God moved me, that I began to realize the significance of community. It was at time time that I truly began to see and understand that there are people everywhere that are incredibly broken and hurt. It was at that time that as I entered a safe place where I could begin my healing process, that I learned the importance of loving through it all and forgiving trespasses against me.
This was also the year that I started my new job. Since graduating from college I had been in an entry level position where I had finally learned how to perfect what I did and I loved being the expert and knowing everything to do. The Lord placed it on my heart that it was time to leave and be promoted to a different position. So I did, I applied for new jobs and got the position. This new position was nothing like what I did before and it was clear from the very first day that there was a very steep learning curve that I would have to endure. I was also told that I really wouldn't know how to do my entire job for at least 1 year. That's a lot of learning. This challenged me. I spent most of every day questioning my intelligence and whether I could actually do the job. Had I made a mistake in taking this position? Had they made a mistake in hiring me? This forced me to a place where I literally had to give it it God every single day. I had no choice. I literally did not know what to do. It was in that place where God had to give me wisdom to get through the day and I was heavily dependent on Him every day.
Now 28 is here I enter this age knowing that God is still moving and seeing how He is (and has been) strategically putting things and people in place to set me up for what I need and where He will be taking me. I think it all hit home after digesting everything from my actual birthday. I feel like I always say this but I think it's worth mentioning again, it's so important to tell the people in your life that impact you just how much they have impacted you and what they mean to you. All of us struggle at one time or another with insecurities, comparisons, discontentment as we try not to accept the lies of the world. We live our lives being friends, moms, employees, husbands, wives and feel like the things we do (or don't do) are just...that, face value. Receiving the messages that I did from people via social media, text messages, phone calls and cards I was taken for surprise. Literally utter shock. I knew that people generally liked me (or seemed to) in the circles that I frequented but I never realized what I meant to them. When these things were told to me I was literally moved to tears...the entire day.
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| With Dira and Amberlea who was also celebrating her birthday. Happy birthday Amberlea! |
As much as people thanked me, I thank God for using lil' ole me to do what He has called me to do. I am always in this constant struggle with Him because my natural personality is to be shy. As a result I love doing the work of the Lord but I am actually one of those people that wants to be in the background and actually mean it. I don't want people to see me, I don't want the praise, I definitely don't want the "stage" nor do I want to lead. I just want to be a part of the team (body of Christ) working silently in the background to further God's Kingdom. Though this is what I am content with and my comfort zone, God has constantly called me into positions that require leadership, encouragement and heavy people interaction. It's this pull and tug because I'm literally like "nah, I don't want people to see me" and God is like "I''m calling you out", "I want you to speak up". So I do what I do out of obedience to Him. I never want to walk in disobedience and have my disobedience be tied to someone never knowing the love of Christ. So I thank God, again, for using me. All that I mean to my community is seriously the Christ in me. I am nothing without Him. I also want to encourage someone who may feel like they are not being used because they don't see anything in the physical. You are the answer to someone's prayer. You may not know it because you think you're not doing anything grand, but you are. People are watching you and are affected by what you do in their lives. Don't you dare believe that you are not being used by God. If you are submitted to His will, He is using you.
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| My gift box! |
Before wrapping this up I wanted to share with you a gift box that some of my friends gave me (which added to the tears). (And just to emphasize how emotional of a moment this was, I was crying so much that my mom who was sitting and watching me go through things, started to cry too. My mom...does not cry, lol. Y'all moved my mama to tears, haha). I was so moved because each thing in there was legit tailored to me and showed just how much attention they paid to who I really am. This speaks volumes to me because I sometimes struggle with feeling that no one knows the real me (deep down inside) and if they did then they wouldn't love me. This gesture showed me that people actually did know the real me and loved me regardless. Thank God for using these women to cast down the lie of the enemy!
- Epson salt: I love taking baths! It's my go to for relaxing quiet time with Jesus. I always use Epson salt because it soothes my body and I ran out of it a few weeks ago.
- Candy: I'm not much of a social candy eater but I have noticed within the past couple months that after I eat lunch at work I have this sweet tooth and I want to have a small piece of candy. I'm trying to be fit and healthy overall so I like small individual sizes that allow me to eat a little bit per day. I allow myself one bag per month so this is going to last me for a while
- Skittles! Now I know it's candy still but I just have to point this out. Though I'm not much of a candy person my go tos are Skittles and Starbursts. Anyone who knows me know I love the purple bag. I don't really mess with the red or blue bags unless I have to
- Bikini razor: I saw one in the store a few months back while shopping with friends and was intrigues. I wanted to try it. They took note and got it for me!
- Mugs: I'm forever drinking tea at work
- Optimus Prime: This was so clever! If you know me you know I have a love affair with Optimus Prime from the movie Transformers. Yes, I am aware he is a robot, but he's so yummy!
- A journal: I write...a lot. If you notice me in church I always have a notebook where I am writing down notes. I also write letters to God and a lot of blogs start in my journal.
- A plaque "Don't let anyone ever steal your sparkle": I was looking for small decorative things like this to decorative my room and my office. I chose to take this to my office to also encourage my students!
- Perfume! If you know me you know I love perfumes and also love to have an assortment to mix it up everyday. My stash of perfumes was depleted earlier this year and I've wanted to refill my inventory for the longest time but it's so hard finding stuff for reasonable prices and scents that you like. Now I have an inventory and they smell amazing!
- A cross necklace with matching earrings: I love anything that represents Jesus and I was actually looking for smaller cross earrings. Such a beautiful set!
This last thing is a google image because it's not actually here yet. My pastor recommended this to our church group a few months back. This is a set that provides a guide to every book of the New Testament. It includes translations, discussions, explanations and background information. I told everyone that I wanted this for my birthday and if they were trying to brainstorm anything to get me they could donate to the fund to help me purchase this for myself. Either way I had every intention of purchasing this as a birthday gift whether or not people donated. Thank you to all of you who donated money. This truly was a gift because I received enough to purchase without having to pay on my own. It's such a blessing and I'm so excited because it arrives in the mail tomorrow! Thank you, thank you, thank you! If you are interested in getting one of your own It's called "New Testament For Everyone Set, 18 Volumes" by N.T Wright. I am also willing to share mines with you provided that I personally know you and you are in the Mass area!
The cards are not pictured because I wanted to keep those intimate words for myself. Don't be too mad cuz yall got to see everything else, lol. Thank you to everyone that made my 28th so memorable. Thank God for another year in life. I look forward to what God is going to do in this year.
xo
Tasha
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| One of my sisters and I |
