Today is my 4th spiritual birthday. What exactly does that mean? It means that 4 years ago today (yup this exact date) I went on my knees, in my room, by myself and prayed the prayer of salvation. I gave my life to God and became a saved Christian. Since that day in 2010 I've been on this walk with Christ and haven't looked back.
I was coming from a place of deep hurt in more ways that one. I had no relationship with my father at the time and that played heavily into my self esteem and self worth. As a result I seeked out relationships with men as an attempt to fill that void. That..failed horribly time and time again. With every failed attempt, each guy treating me the exact same way the other did, reinforced my belief that I wasn't pretty enough, good enough, valuable enough or even worth it. God snatched me up when I was at my lowest and has taken me so far from the girl that I used to be.
Each year, I do something different to celebrate another milestone with God because this day is very important to me. This year I decided to have a "God and Me" photo shoot. So as you allow me to take you with me through a snap shot of my journey, you'll see along the way, some of the photos I chose to share
January 1999
I was 12 years old and standing in front of my church congregation along with a few other people in my white robe. Each of us had to take a turn and testify as to why we were choosing to get baptized. The microphone came to me and my testimony was simply :
"I'm getting baptized because God has given me so many blessings, more than I could have ever asked for. He gives me these things everyday and asks only for one thing in return, to give my life to Him. Is that too much for a person to do? I don't think so"
Then I simply passed the mic on to the next person. Not to toot my own horn, but what a profound thing for a 12 year old to say. I know you're thinking it so no, my mother did not coach me on what to say. She simply told me to say whatever was in my heart, and that's what came out. That night I was baptized and became "saved" as I like to refer to it.
I didn't follow through with it though. Yes I continued to go to church with my mom on a daily basis but still lived a "secular" life. I had one foot in both worlds. I remember being at school one day and posing for a picture with my classmates. They were all putting up their middle fingers in the picture so I figured I would do the same. One of the on lookers said "Oh I thought you were a Christian". I was so embarrassed and cried in the corner. It seemed like I was never allowed to do the same things my friends did and being a Christian was no fun. So why did I decide to give my life to Christ at such a young age? If I were to be honest...fear and wanting to please.
My mother gave her life back to Christ 3 years prior to me and was very intentional in her walk from the beginning so there was a drastic change in her life. She talked to me a lot about God and encouraged me to have a relationship with him. She put the fear of God in me and told me about the "age thing". If I died today and was below the age of 12, then I would automatically go to heaven. But at age 12, I was old enough to make my own spiritual decisions, and if I died after 12 without giving my life to Christ I would go to hell....and hell was awful. So I wanted my mom to be happy and proud of me and I also didn't want to go to hell. In my case...that wasn't a good foundation to start my relationship with Christ on, it was a very weak one that would eventually break..and it did. Though in the church every single Sunday, I had no relationship with Christ and a full on relationship with the world.
My mother gave her life back to Christ 3 years prior to me and was very intentional in her walk from the beginning so there was a drastic change in her life. She talked to me a lot about God and encouraged me to have a relationship with him. She put the fear of God in me and told me about the "age thing". If I died today and was below the age of 12, then I would automatically go to heaven. But at age 12, I was old enough to make my own spiritual decisions, and if I died after 12 without giving my life to Christ I would go to hell....and hell was awful. So I wanted my mom to be happy and proud of me and I also didn't want to go to hell. In my case...that wasn't a good foundation to start my relationship with Christ on, it was a very weak one that would eventually break..and it did. Though in the church every single Sunday, I had no relationship with Christ and a full on relationship with the world.
August 2010
I'm sittin in my friend's (Ana) living room with her husband and new born baby. At this point I'm 22 going on 23 and I've been pretending to go to church for about 4.5 years now. I had just graduated from college but lived on campus most years in college so my mother never knew I was not in church. I had my little boos here and there, partying and clubbing had become a regular part of life, dressing immodestly for the most part is all I did ( I mean, God blessed me with some nice legs) and I was the life of the party when drunk.
I was sitting there explaining to Ana's husband why my plan to club on Saturday (for my birthday) then go to church the following Sunday was a sensible plan. During that conversation Ana and her husband started to talk about introducing me to this guy at church because we would look cute together. I knew the guy from way back in the day when I went to church and knew that he was a Christian man. And yes honey, I wanted me a Christian man.
When I went home that evening I began to think and went into deep thought. If I was introduced to this guy, would I even be the type of girl he would be interested in dating? Would he want a girl who cursed every other word when she spoke? Had inappropriate conversations all the time? Didn't really know the Word or God anymore? I began to think, I'm not well suited for a Christian man, and that made me sad. What also made me sad was that I said something to Ana (I don't remember what I said) and referenced it as if it was in the Bible. Her response was "That's not in the Bible, that's just a saying". That honestly rocked my world. There was a point in time when I was younger where I knew majority of the Bible and what was in it. How could I have gotten to a point where I don't even know what was in the Bible anymore? How and when did this happen? There had to be a change.
September 2010
I decided that I was going to make that change now. However, the only thing that was holding me back was the fact that there was another birthday party I had to go to at a club. I had to go because this was a very close friend of mines and she celebrated in the club with me just 1.5 weeks earlier....and I freaking love her! Okay God, I'll turn up at the club again on Saturday, go to church on Sunday and give my life back to you.
September 5, 2010
I gave my life to Christ.
That's...my story. Today I celebrate 4 years of giving my life to Christ and not going back to who I used to be. On this day, I reflect. I reflect on how good God has been to me over the years. He could have snatched my life during that week and a half delay or even the last night in the club where are I drank so much that I have very little recollection of the night (I decided that I had to go out with a bang). But He didn't, there was a greater purpose and plan that He had for me.
I'm grateful that even when I wasn't living right that He has ordered my steps and gave me access to blessings because I had a praying mother. I was accepted to my dream school and though it was a struggle, the Lord provided a way for my mother and I to pay tuition for my entire time there without having to take out a private loan. Boy was that a struggle. I'm grateful that even though I have never really known what to do or where I am going in life, I always end up exactly where I am supposed to be because He places me there there.
I reflect on where I am spiritually compared to where I was spiritually last year. See, as a baby grows into a toddler, a toddler into a child, a child into a teenager, who grows into an adult who grows into an elderly person...you notice specific changes in them that clarifies them as someone who has grown. You wouldn't expect to see a 5 year old still drinking breast milk from it's mom's boob. You wouldn't expect to see a teenager not potty trained (unless they are disabled in some way and that's a different story). In the same way we are to be intentional with growing in Christ.
There are too many Christians who get saved at the atlar and years later they are still where they started, they haven't grown at all. I refuse to be one of them. The body of Christ, the world and God needs me to grow. Why? Because I have a purpose. I'm a world changer. I'm a mentor to those new in Christ and those that will come after me. I am a help meet for my husband. I am iron for my friends. I am a source of information for those who don't know Christ and need answers to questions. I am an accountability partner to those who need it. I need to grow. So as I'm growing, if I'm around people that stunt my growth in Christ, I'm sorry but you've to go. This is not a game, I have places to go.
And so growing is what I have been doing. From last year to this year, I value myself and my worth much more and I have learned to make no apologies for it. I don't apologize for living different. I don't apologize for spreading the gospel where I can. I don't apologize for choosing not to date a man because he is not after God's own heart. I don't apologize for waiting until I am married to have sex or even kissed. I'm not sorry. I'm proud and over this year I have learned to be unashamed. This is mainly due to getting on my face before God and my fellowship with my Pinky Promise sisters. I consider myself to be a really shy person and an introvert and I have seen God continually put me in places of leadership where I pour into others and encourage them. I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with what He has called for me to do.
I have learned though this year that even though social media is a comfortable platform, to not put my entire life on display. It's not for everyone to know and there still does need to be some mystery to my life. Everyone doesn't need to know where I'm going and what I am doing all the time. So I've been pulling back from person statuses and making them more inspirational and about Christ I choose to promote Him instead and be Spirit led in whatever I post.
What's different this time around? Why am I succeeding in this walk when I failed at first? I finally got to know Jesus, for real and for myself. He's awesome and I'm so in love! The right foundation has been built. He has taught me to have fun in Him and with Him. He's teaching me how to be a wife as He is now my husband until my earthly husband comes along. I'm so excited to reach this point in my marriage with Christ. A lot won't understand but it's okay. The road hasn't been easy. I've been put through tests and trials, some I have passed and some I have failed. I've learned to get back up, keep going and not to walk in condemnation but instead I walk in grace. I have exciting times in Christ and I've experienced dry times when I don't want to be active in this relationship. But God is always pulling me back to the heart of worship.
For those of you who have been with me on my journey, I sincerely thank you. For those that are just jointing me..come on board to the ride. It's always eventful.
To my Father:
I'm sittin in my friend's (Ana) living room with her husband and new born baby. At this point I'm 22 going on 23 and I've been pretending to go to church for about 4.5 years now. I had just graduated from college but lived on campus most years in college so my mother never knew I was not in church. I had my little boos here and there, partying and clubbing had become a regular part of life, dressing immodestly for the most part is all I did ( I mean, God blessed me with some nice legs) and I was the life of the party when drunk.
I was sitting there explaining to Ana's husband why my plan to club on Saturday (for my birthday) then go to church the following Sunday was a sensible plan. During that conversation Ana and her husband started to talk about introducing me to this guy at church because we would look cute together. I knew the guy from way back in the day when I went to church and knew that he was a Christian man. And yes honey, I wanted me a Christian man.
When I went home that evening I began to think and went into deep thought. If I was introduced to this guy, would I even be the type of girl he would be interested in dating? Would he want a girl who cursed every other word when she spoke? Had inappropriate conversations all the time? Didn't really know the Word or God anymore? I began to think, I'm not well suited for a Christian man, and that made me sad. What also made me sad was that I said something to Ana (I don't remember what I said) and referenced it as if it was in the Bible. Her response was "That's not in the Bible, that's just a saying". That honestly rocked my world. There was a point in time when I was younger where I knew majority of the Bible and what was in it. How could I have gotten to a point where I don't even know what was in the Bible anymore? How and when did this happen? There had to be a change.
September 2010
I decided that I was going to make that change now. However, the only thing that was holding me back was the fact that there was another birthday party I had to go to at a club. I had to go because this was a very close friend of mines and she celebrated in the club with me just 1.5 weeks earlier....and I freaking love her! Okay God, I'll turn up at the club again on Saturday, go to church on Sunday and give my life back to you.
September 5, 2010
I gave my life to Christ.
That's...my story. Today I celebrate 4 years of giving my life to Christ and not going back to who I used to be. On this day, I reflect. I reflect on how good God has been to me over the years. He could have snatched my life during that week and a half delay or even the last night in the club where are I drank so much that I have very little recollection of the night (I decided that I had to go out with a bang). But He didn't, there was a greater purpose and plan that He had for me.
I'm grateful that even when I wasn't living right that He has ordered my steps and gave me access to blessings because I had a praying mother. I was accepted to my dream school and though it was a struggle, the Lord provided a way for my mother and I to pay tuition for my entire time there without having to take out a private loan. Boy was that a struggle. I'm grateful that even though I have never really known what to do or where I am going in life, I always end up exactly where I am supposed to be because He places me there there.
I reflect on where I am spiritually compared to where I was spiritually last year. See, as a baby grows into a toddler, a toddler into a child, a child into a teenager, who grows into an adult who grows into an elderly person...you notice specific changes in them that clarifies them as someone who has grown. You wouldn't expect to see a 5 year old still drinking breast milk from it's mom's boob. You wouldn't expect to see a teenager not potty trained (unless they are disabled in some way and that's a different story). In the same way we are to be intentional with growing in Christ.
There are too many Christians who get saved at the atlar and years later they are still where they started, they haven't grown at all. I refuse to be one of them. The body of Christ, the world and God needs me to grow. Why? Because I have a purpose. I'm a world changer. I'm a mentor to those new in Christ and those that will come after me. I am a help meet for my husband. I am iron for my friends. I am a source of information for those who don't know Christ and need answers to questions. I am an accountability partner to those who need it. I need to grow. So as I'm growing, if I'm around people that stunt my growth in Christ, I'm sorry but you've to go. This is not a game, I have places to go.
And so growing is what I have been doing. From last year to this year, I value myself and my worth much more and I have learned to make no apologies for it. I don't apologize for living different. I don't apologize for spreading the gospel where I can. I don't apologize for choosing not to date a man because he is not after God's own heart. I don't apologize for waiting until I am married to have sex or even kissed. I'm not sorry. I'm proud and over this year I have learned to be unashamed. This is mainly due to getting on my face before God and my fellowship with my Pinky Promise sisters. I consider myself to be a really shy person and an introvert and I have seen God continually put me in places of leadership where I pour into others and encourage them. I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with what He has called for me to do.
I have learned though this year that even though social media is a comfortable platform, to not put my entire life on display. It's not for everyone to know and there still does need to be some mystery to my life. Everyone doesn't need to know where I'm going and what I am doing all the time. So I've been pulling back from person statuses and making them more inspirational and about Christ I choose to promote Him instead and be Spirit led in whatever I post.
What's different this time around? Why am I succeeding in this walk when I failed at first? I finally got to know Jesus, for real and for myself. He's awesome and I'm so in love! The right foundation has been built. He has taught me to have fun in Him and with Him. He's teaching me how to be a wife as He is now my husband until my earthly husband comes along. I'm so excited to reach this point in my marriage with Christ. A lot won't understand but it's okay. The road hasn't been easy. I've been put through tests and trials, some I have passed and some I have failed. I've learned to get back up, keep going and not to walk in condemnation but instead I walk in grace. I have exciting times in Christ and I've experienced dry times when I don't want to be active in this relationship. But God is always pulling me back to the heart of worship.
For those of you who have been with me on my journey, I sincerely thank you. For those that are just jointing me..come on board to the ride. It's always eventful.
To my Father:
Lead me further into You, to the unknown
Far beyond what I now see, that's where I want to go
I abandon everything, as deep calls out to deep
Show your beauty, show your strength, in this holy place
Let it be like gravity, that I can't escape
Till my life has been transformed, and my heart is one with Yours
Let the things of earth be swept away
Draw me close till only You remain
I want to be lost in you, overwhelm me
Take me higher, take me deeper
Seeing your glory, hearing your whisper
I want to be lost in You
- Overwhelm Me: Riley Erin & Centric Worship
Happy 4th anniversary to my heavenly Father!
xo
Tasha
P.S: Photo cred to my amazing sister in Christ, Marceline. Thank you so much for shooting me! You should hit her up for pictures: Instagram @journeywithme_ Blog: http://marcelinev.blogspot.com
P.S: Photo cred to my amazing sister in Christ, Marceline. Thank you so much for shooting me! You should hit her up for pictures: Instagram @journeywithme_ Blog: http://marcelinev.blogspot.com
