I miss Jamaica

The other day I was going through some old notes that I had written way back in the day and I found this...poem (I guess?)...that I wrote back when I was 18 years old. Just wanted to share it:

Last night as I lay
So frustrated
Aggravated
And lonely
I did something that I haven't done since my last trip to Jamaica
Remember HOME
As I closed my eyes
I can remember sitting out on the front porch at night
Everything was always so dark and still
As a child that scared me
I remember seeing fire flies and laughing at them
Hearing the crickets make sounds
Sometimes I would lay on the grass and look up at the stars
Making wishes
The days of my innocence when I still believed that wishes came true
I remember taking deep breaths every once in a while
The air always smelled so fresh
So clean
I remember the neighbor's dogs
I used to be so scared of them
He had 10
And there was a white one who we used to call the "killer dog"
He literally always killed other dogs
I remember climbing the trees with my friends
Reaching for tangerines, guavas, pears, cherries and apples
I remember going into grape vines and always getting stuck in the thorns
The Sundays I used to go to church
We'd come home
Have a big family dinner
Went for a walk on the road
And then we'd all sit on the front porch and eat mangoes to our hearts desire
I always used to pick the bad ones and my mother would share hers with me
I remember elementary school
How I loved it so...
I remember the bell that used to ring when our lunch hour began and ended
I remember going to our supermarket on Saturdays

Helping mom sell things
When I was good she would let me go into the market and taste fruits that they were selling
I remember my childhood friend Simone
How we were inseparable
Then suddenly a car horn outside brought me back to reality
I had been in this memory trance for over an hour
I felt my face and realized I had been crying....

Home sweet home <3

Jamaica, W.I

Spiritual Attacks: Are You Ready to Fight?

Earlier this month I had my monthly meeting with my Pinky Promise sisters to have a discussion and Bible study on prayer. It was such a good time in Christ as we shared from the heart and prayed and interceded for one another. The devil was maaaaad, lol. Immediately after the meeting, one of the cars which had 3 of the sisters in it came so close to being in a car accident while another car (which I was in with 3 other sisters) DID get into a car accident. We were sitting at a red light for at least 30 seconds and here comes a vehicle from behind, hitting us in the back. From what I can remember there was no screeching of brakes so I'm led to believe that he just never stopped. I had never in my life been involved in a car accident. It was such a scary feeling. Here we were one minute, laughing and talking with one another and then in a split second being thrown forward from the crash.

We immediately knew it was the attack of the enemy. It was no coincidence that one car going in a different direction almost got in an accident and the other car that I was in was involved in an accident. It was also eerie that the man who hit us was smiling. There are a few scattered thoughts that I had while thinking of this:

1. As Christians we need to recognize that we are under a spiritual attack. While we were in the world not following Christ, the devil wasn't worried about little 'ole us because we are doing what he wanted us to do. Now that you follow Christ, you pray for people, you're breaking strongholds, you're witnessing to people and writing about God's love, you're becoming kind of a nuisance to him. You're making him mad. So he'll do whatever he needs to do to get you out of the equation. Whether it's distracting you with drama from friends or family, getting attacked by people that don't know God or even that FINE unsaved man with the most scrumptious muscles that make you want to say "JESUS", or just paling KILLING you. One way or the other, he wants to get rid of you. 

Just because we are unwilling to acknowledge that we are in a spiritual battle and the devil is after us full force, does not change the fact that we are in a battle. We need to suit up and get ready to fight. We don't fight through the flesh but through the spirit. We need to to stay prayed up, Worded up and fellowshipped up at all time. Jesus already won the war for us on the cross, so we know that we will in the end, but we still need to fight the battles. 

2 days after the accident the founder of the Pinky Promise organization, Heather Lindsey, blogged about a dream that she had regarding spiritual attacks. She had no idea what had happened to us in MA (she's based out of ATL) yet was writing about the same thing that was happening here. There is no doubt in my mind that God is trying to speak here. Read her blog called "My Dream Last Night: A visitation by the enemy himself" here: www.heatherllindsey.blogspot.com

2. It's so important to take our walk with God seriously every moment in the day. We always say how life can be gone in the split of a second and for the first time in my life I experienced that split second. As I said before, one second I was laughing and the next second my body was being plunged forward (we all had our seat belts on by the way). It could have been, we were laughing one second and dead the next. What is your relationship with Christ? Do you know Him as your personal Lord and Savior? Do you walk with Him daily? Are you a born again Christian? If you do have a relationship with Christ, are you dying to yourself daily? Are you doing a self check? Mind check? Attitude check? Bed check? (If you are single you should not be in a bed with anyone who is not your husband. Period. If you are married, same thing.) Do people see Christ when they see you or do they see that world? Can people tell by your actions that you are different or do you look like everyone else? It's time to do some self inspection and for us to repent. I had to do that myself that night.

3. Despite the accident and all the pain I’ve been in a lot of people have commented on how high my spirit is and how happy I’ve been. I see no reason to feel low. I mean, yes I can’t go to work, yes I’m in pain, yes I’m prevented from doing a lot of things that I’m able to do on a day to day basis and I could be miserable. But why? I’m alive. I have great friends and family checking in on me, I have a job that gives me paid sick days (hallelujah!). Why be sad when I can look at all the positives in my life? I would hope that as I go through trials and tribulations in life that I will be known as the one who is still in good spirits

If you are a woman (single or married) and are interested in joining the Pinky Promise Group in MA we would love to have you. We have over 30 women of God on this journey with us and it's been such a blessing in my life. Send an email to MAPinkyPromise@gmail.com for more information and to join.  If you are a man looking to fellowship with other men of God that are serious about walking on purpose with God, Heather's husband Cornelius Lindsey runs a male version of Pinky Promise called The Oath. I don't have much information on this (because I'm not a man, lol) but you can google The Oath or Cornelius and you'll be able to find information that way.

My first night out with a few of my Pinky Promise sisters a few weeks after the car accident. 

xo

Tasha 

Skating in Christ

Original Post: October 2013

The day before my birthday this year I decided to go ice skating with my sisters who, at that time had been learning how to ice skate all summer. I have been ice skating once in my lifetime, during college and it was an epic fail. I have never had an official lesson and it’s absolutely nothing like roller skating. 

While my sisters glided freely in the middle of the ice rink, I was sitting on the outside with my skates on completely afraid to get on the ice and fall. I eventually gathered the courage to get on the ice and held on so tightly to the wall as if my life depended on it. My form of “skating” was using my hands on the wall to push my body forward on the ice. I did this for at least 20 rounds around the ice (this was a pretty big rink) but the more I did this, the more comfortable I became with the ice and I knew that at some point I was going to have a to take a risk, go out of my new comfort zone and elevate to a new level of skill. 

At this point you are probably wondering why I’m telling you this, as if you care about my skating experience. Just rock with me for a second, I promise I’m taking you somewhere.

Eventually I got the courage to take my hands of the wall and start pushing my feet, one at a time, in front of each other. I looked so silly at first but soon in came naturally. As I became more comfortable, I took longer strides. My sister, who was a more experienced skater was right beside me the entire time telling me what to do. When I felt brave enough to go faster I realized I didn’t know how to stop if I needed to. She had to teach me how to stop. I became good at it. By day 2 on the rink I was gliding around as if I had been skating for a while. With my sister beside me instructing me and my willingness to step  out and try a new step I succeeded and became better with my skating.

The first few times I fell (while I was still on the wall) my sister was helping me to get back on my feet and holding me up. By the 2nd day when I was confident and moving around quickly, I fell so hard in the middle of the ice, far away from the wall. My sister came running (or I guess skating) to see if I was okay. I was fine, I just need help getting up. Instead of her running to help me up, she told me how to get up on my own and stood there until I was able to do it successfully. 

That night I lay in my bed and thought about how my experience with ice skating is so similar to being a Christian and walking in the faith (aaaaye I told you I was taking you somewhere :D). In the beginning, we were probably all like me, standing outside the “rink” wondering should I follow God? Can I do that? It looks challenging. I don’t even know what to do. Eventually we heed to His calling and step into the rink of being saved for the first time. We don’t know what to do, we don’t know how to pray. We just hold onto God and people who are older than us in the faith, like a baby, and let them guide us on where to go and what to do. If we stumble, they are there to pick us up and help us back on our feet.

However, just like I went around that rink on the wall at least 20 times, there is a time when you have to start growing up. There is a time when you have to stop holding onto the “wall” (people) and start living the faith for yourself. You are going to have to stop relying on people to pray for you and pray for yourself. You are going to have to stop depending on the pastor to feed you the Word once a week and start feeding yourself the Word the other 6 days a week. You are going to have to stop waiting for people to tell you what God is saying and seek Him for yourself. It’s time to let go of that wall. Step out of your comfort zone and just start “pushing” one foot in front of the other. 

Eventually your “pushing” won’t seem weird anymore and you’ll start to glide freely in your walk with Christ. He will elevate you and you will gain confidence in your knowledge and relationship with Him. This doesn’t mean that you won’t ever fall though. We all do at some point, we’re human. There comes a point where you have to learn to get up without people babying you. I’m sure my sister wanted to pull me up when I fell on the ice, but if she kept on pulling me up, I would never learn how to get up on my own. Though your brothers and sisters in Christ are there to pull you up, sometimes they have to let you pull yourself up so that you can learn how to do it on your own. You can learn how to pray yourself through that trial and through that storm.

I’m definitely not a professional skater but I can now hold my own when I go to a skating rink. I know the basics and can teach them to someone else who might not know anything at all. Now that you are skating freely in Christ, go back and help someone who is standing outside on the “rink” bring them in, mentor them and teach them how to “skate” in Christ.

P.S: If you are struggling with a fall that you have had or are having in Christ please check out the blog I posted a few weeks ago called Rescued

xo

Tasha

Who's in Your Circle?

Original Post: October 2013

This past Sunday, my cousin (who lives in Jamaica) went missing. No one knew where she physically was and no one could reach her over the phone for most of the day. My family finally decided to pull me in on what was going on, in an attempt for me to try and contact her. Though I was not told from the beginning to avoid me freaking out over here (in the U.S.) it became concerning enough for me to try and contact her. Simply because we’re close and she would never ignore a call from me, mainly because I’m calling internationally. The moment I called her the first time with no answer was the moment everyone started to freak out. 2 times, 3 times 4 times, 10 times, calling back to back with no response from her.

Immediately I decided to reach out to a group of sisters in Christ that I am connected with (I would roughly say at least 50 ladies). Some of them I know personally, some I am close with and some I have never met in person before. However this community of women of God started praying heaven down throughout the night with me. In the midst of chaos, I felt comfort knowing that these women had my back and that there were people praying for my family and I and the safe return of my cousin. I received prayer via phone, texts along with Bible verses to stand on.

My cousin finally contacted me and is safe, what a relief. God is so good. Even if she wasn’t safe and something did happen to her, it would have been hard to get through, God would still be good none the less. I say this to point out that God’s goodness isn’t dependent on Him doing what I want Him to do when I want Him to do it, or even things turning out in my favor.

I’m sharing this to point out the importance of having people of God in your life. As a Christian, we weren’t meant to walk this path alone. Even Jesus needed help in carrying His cross. When things get rough and you can’t deal with it on your own, that’s the time you turn to the body of Christ to pick up when you can’t. It’s hard to explain but I feel like, in that moment, when the reality of something bad happening to my cousin became a possibility, I became weak and couldn’t “stand” on my own. With all of these ladies praying I felt like a spiritual circle or wall was being formed around me as they interceded to God on my behalf. It’s kind of an amazing feeling. If you are new to the faith or even a veteran and you’re not connected to the body of Christ, get plugged in. Get involved, form relationships. That’s how God intended for it to be.

Thank God for placing the idea of Pinky Promise in Heather Lindsey’s heart and thanks God for my Pinky Promise sisters!

xo

Tasha

So You Want to Study the Bible?

Original Post: September 2013

Ever feel completely overwhelmed when wanting to study the Bible? Such a huge book. Where do I start? How do I study? What kind of Bible do I get? You’re speaking to the choir. I’ve always wanted to study the Word but didn’t know how.

Reading the entire Bible

This has been a goal of mine from when I was a preteen. I remember being 12 years old telling my mother that I wanted to read the entire Bible. Every time I’d start off strong, one chapter per day, until I got to Exodus or Leviticus and gave up. To me, it wasn’t attainable, there was too much to read. This issue carried on into adulthood but the desire has always been there. Last year I was introduced to a Bible app called “Youversion”. I downloaded it and realized they had a set out plan to read the entire Bible in 1 year. I decided that 2012 was going to be the year that I read the entire Bible for the first time…and I DID IT! This guide carefully picks some chapters from the Old Testament, New Testament and a few verses from Proverbs in each reading plan for the day. It’s not labor intensive either, just about 15 minutes of reading everyday. It made my goal less strenuous and more attainable. I would recommend it! This year I decided to take it up several notches and enroll myself in the 90 day plan to read the Bible….4 times. My goal is to read the entire Bible 4 times this year. Crazy intense but I am currently wrapping up the 3rd round. Stay tuned…

Studying the Bible

Most times when we read the Bible, we read the text and put it down when we’re finished without really thinking about what we read, how it applies to us and what God is trying to tell us. We don’t take the time to STUDY the Bible. It’s so essential to study and meditate on God’s Word because anyone can take text out of context and try to sway others to believe a certain way that may not be true. It’s important to know your Word and allow God to speak to your spirit so that you can discern what you may hear others say. The time to study the Word is not only when you go to church on Saturdays or Sundays but should be a daily task to feed your spirit.

If you’re anything like me and haven’t studied the Word before, you’re not really sure how to do that. How do I inspect the text? How do I come up with questions to ask myself after reading the text? I was introduced to another reading plan through Youversion called Bible X that I started doing this summer. It’s 140 days of select readings, videos and questions that come along with it. This pushes you to not only read the text but to also think about what it’s saying, what it indicates about God, what it indicates about humans and creation and what it says about YOU. There’s a video lesson to teach and summarize what you’ve been reading over the past few days. I LOVE this plan; I’ve gained so much insight in what the Word means for the time in which it was written and what it means to me in today’s world. This is another one that I highly recommend it. Write your responses out, get a journal and keep it all in one place for purposes of review.

Finally, get an application like Youversion on your phone. It has hundreds of plans that you can participate in on a yearly basis so you’re never getting bored.

P.S: I just bought the Life Application Bible and it has dramatically changed the way I study when I read. It goes into more detail in explaining passages and what was happening (historically) around the time these stories were being told. Brings a whole other level of insight to the Bible.

Happy reading!

xo

Tasha

A Poem of Thanksgiving

Original Post: September 2013

Hello,
I wanted to use my blog post of the week to share a poem that a friend and sister in Christ of mine wrote. When she shared it with me I was so touched at how profound yet simple it was. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did

MY SOUL REJOICES AS I THINK OF HOW GOOD GOD HAS BEEN IN MY LIFE GOD,
YOU HAVE BEEN MY PEACE, MY JOY, MY COMFORT AND STRENGTH YOU PROTECTED ME FROM MY ENEMIES
YOU LIFTED ME OUT OF DARKNESS
AND BROUGHT ME INTO YOUR WONDERFUL LIGHT
YOU COVERED ME WITH YOUR LOVE IN THE MIDST OF HATE
 I CANT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR YOUR LOVE
THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE SAVED ME FROM
AND ALL THAT YOU HAVE IN STORE FOR ME
GOD YOU ALONE ARE WORTHY OF THE HIGHEST PRAISE
YOU’RE AWESOME

Follow her here on blogsot  marcelinv.blogspot.com

xo

Tasha

Rescued

Original Post: September 2013

Last week I celebrated my 3rd spiritual birthday. For those of you who don’t know what that means, on September 5th 2010, I decided to rededicate my life to the Lord, to be real with my walk with Him for the first time in my life and to leave my “worldly” ways behind me. To this day I still stand by the statement that it was the best decision I could have made for myself but it hasn’t been an easy road.

Let me set the record straight. By the definition of a Christian (one who believes in Christ), I have been a Christian my whole life. As a child I grew up in the church around church going family, went to Sunday/Sabbath school etc . Though I went to the building, however, my behavior, the way I lived my life and my language did not reflect that of a born again Christian…because I wasn’t.

As I sit here feeling blessed that God and I are celebrating our 3 year anniversary, I can’t help but remember that I almost didn’t make it. So though this was an exciting day for me, I want to spend this blog talking about what I consider to be one of the biggest downfalls in my walk with Christ that I have ever experienced. I’ve never spoken about this publicly before and many people around me never knew. Please bare with me as I attempt to be transparent.

It was actually 1 year and 4 weeks ago when it all started. At that point I had been saved for 1 year 11 months, my 2 year anniversary was coming up and…I…was…feeling…myself. Everything was going great for the most part. I was reading my Bible everyday, I was praying everyday, going to church 3-4 times a week, couldn’t get enough of God. I was serving in 2 ministries, I had my little twitter “evangelism” thing going on, I was the person that my followers would contact regarding questions about God etc.  I was feeling good about myself. There were a lot of things about myself that I had fixed and moved on from. I wasn’t drinking, partying, going to the club etc. I had an issue with swearing that I got free from so my speech was swear free. I got rid of all inappropriate clothing and was dressing modestly. To the naked eye, I was being a good Christian. That was my goal. I knew that if I was going to profess God with my mouth that I was not going to be hypocritical about to because that’s what I hated seeing when I was back in the world. 

I went on a trip last summer and that’s when things seemed to go all downhill. Don’t get me wrong, I had the time of my life and the trip was very fun. Every once in a while I wish I could go back…for longer this time because it was such an amazing experience. Besides that however, I lost myself. Previous to the trip I had a routine: read my Bible in the mornings when I woke up, a little praise and worship then pray. Read the Bible in the evenings before bed, quiet time to spend with God. The first day I got there I was “too tired” from traveling all day. As a result, there was no prayer, no Bible, no God. Day 2 I woke up excited to just to be with my sisters, couldn’t wait to get the day started so I rushed to get ready. No time for prayer, praise and worship. No time for Bible, no time for God.

By day 3 something happened that made me upset, left me feeling vulnerable and searching for someone to talk to, to calm me down. I started trying to reach out to friends back in the U.S. over Skype, the internet was down. I tried calling from my phone, my phone had no service on that island. I tried using the land line phone with a calling card I had purchased, all connections were tied up. There was no way to reach anyone when I was breaking down all on my own. Here’s the thing though, I was never on my own. God was always there and it’s so interesting to see how He works to get my attention. He allowed a situation to happen so that I would be isolated. He blocked all forms of communication to my earthly friends and family. All in hopes that I would turn to Him after neglecting Him for the past 3 days. There I was crying because I was “all by myself”.Why did it not even occur to me to reach out to my Father who longed to talk to me and spend time with me?

Instead of cleaving to him, my down word spiral began. I didn’t know how to deal with my situation, it was one that I was unfamiliar with. I didn’t know how to handle my emotions and tell them to shut up. I’m still working on not holding grudges when I’m upset which is what I was doing. I didn’t know how to handle these things appropriately as a Christian lady so I reverted to what I always knew…my old life. Instead of embracing my “difference” and letting my light shine I reverted back to insecurity and wanting to be accepted. I wanted to be liked and seen as “cool” and “fun” so I conformed to what was going around me. Doing what other people were doing. Let’s be honest, I was sinning like crazy and having fun doing it. It was so easy rolling with the tide instead of swimming against it.

Now I won’t go into detail on every little thing that I did, I’m still on the path to healing, accepting and moving on but I do want to at least give 1 example even though I’m embarrassed by it. There was one night that I drank so much (alcohol) that I was no longer able to take care of myself. No longer coherent, no longer in control. Do you know who had to take care of me? My sisters…..my YOUNGER sisters. Here I am, 25 years old (at the time), supposed to be watching over them and taking care of them and they are taking care of me. The youngest of who is only 15 had to see me like that. I don’t know what she knew or what she’s seen. I don’t know if she’s ever seen a drunk person in my state before and I don’t think I even want to know. I don’t want to imagine being the one to open her world up to things like that smh.

Moving on…(since this is getting to be longer than I anticipated)…by the end of the trip I was so far in and so far down that I had to sit for a moment and wonder “Who is this girl?” I don’t even recognize her anymore. How did I get here? How did I get so far? How did this entire situation get so out of control? In 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

God will never tempt you beyond what you can handle. He’s not that type of God, He’s not out to get you. In temptation He will always provide a way of escape. I can’t even tell you how many times there were bold face, neon signed opportunities of escape and I bulldozed my way through each one of them.

On the way home, I felt so empty and so disappointed in myself and what I had turned out to be. I cried at the airport, I cried on the plane, I cried at Boston’s airport, cried when I got home, cried for weeks. No one (except 1 person) knew I was crying though. I put on a brave smiling face in public during the day, then went home and cried some more. My family didn’t even know! I didn’t want to pray to God, I was too embarrassed to talk to Him. I didn’t want to go to church (this from the girl who always used to be in church), I was too ashamed to go to God’s house, I felt like I had no right to be there and the world would see how dirty I had become. I’m thankful for the one friend who I spilled everything out to and forced me to sit through church and just cry. I didn’t want to sing the songs, I didn’t want to lift my hands, I didn’t want to write down notes. I was bound in chains.

Based on conversations with and actions of the people that I hung with overseas, they didn’t seem to have a personal relationship with Christ. I could have been a shining light but wasn’t. I lost my ability to witness to them. My sisters saw the ugly part of me. I had always wanted to be the example for them to follow and help in mentoring them in a spiritual way, but forget that now, they wouldn’t even take me seriously. I had lost that opportunity too. And wouldn’t even think about posting anything on Facebook or Twitter. I didn’t have that right anymore. Who did I think I was? Most importantly, I had failed God tremendously. I was so sorry but couldn’t take anything back. I was feeling condemned and punishing myself. This was my thought process and my state of depression for about 6 weeks! It was clear I wasn’t going to last in this Christian walk.

Finally one Sunday I was sitting in church staring like the zombie I had become when finally I felt a tugging in my spirit begging me to “rise up”, “get up”. Deon Kipping (check his album out yall) ministered at my church for the first time and God used him to minister to me. Every word that he was singing spoke to what I was feeling. As he called people up that needed prayer, I went to the altar and completely broke down: tears streaming, nose running body shaking, can barely breathe because I’m crying so hard. I stayed there for a while as I was prayed over and started to feel the chains that had me bound loosen over me. Between that event and United Night of Worship (UNOW), I finally got free.

Now WHY am I telling you all of this? Do you care? I don’t know, someone might. I say all of this because I think it’s important to explain what happened, how I was bound and how I got free. There were a few lessons that God taught me here:

1) God forgave me for sinning before I even sinned. He knew I was going to do everything that I did before I did it and He still loves me unconditionally. He just wanted me to come home all this time while I was being silly and not wanting to pray to Him. If you are struggling in this area, just talk to Him. He wants to talk to you. He wants to help you overcome. He wants to pick you up and dust you off so you can keep on going. If you can’t find the words to say, just sit and cry before Him. Check out Romans 8:26-27:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

The Bible says He knows what we need even if we don’t know how to put it into words, then INTERCEDES to the Father on behalf of us. How amazing is that? He gets it!

2) God does not condemn you. If you remember earlier, I said I was feeling condemned. God was not condemning me. The enemy (satan), was the one who was whispering all that negativity in my ear telling me I wasn’t worthy, I was a failure, now I can’t talk to people about God, now you can’t pray or go to church, “who do you think you are?”. If you are going through something similar and are feeling those things, trust me, it’s not God. He is the One saying “I love you”, “come home”, “I forgive you”, “let me help you heal”, “you are still worthy”, “I can still use you”.

3) So many bad things could have happened to me while I was being ratchet. So many bad things should have happened….but God. Even as I ran away from Him, He was still protecting me. Like I said, before all of this I was a “good” Christian. Sometimes God allows us to go and lose our minds and act like a fool because He needs to teach us something. He taught me that I was basing my salvation on the works that I was doing. I can never EARN my salvation. I have it through GRACE and grace alone. He needed to bring me down to teach me that. The bad things that I know could have happened to me and didn’t, made me grateful that I was protected from that. I learned there are consequences for putting yourself in dangerous situations. I now understand why God keeps us from certain things and have a new appreciation of why I choose not to do certain things. I wouldn’t have learned that otherwise.

4) Admit where you are wrong and make things right. I had to apologize to my sister for the way that I acted towards her in the situation that happened. I should probably apologize for my drunken stupor too. I also had to talk to one of the cousins that I was closest to while we were on our trip and witnessed most of what happen. I explained to him that I was a Christian, told him what that meant and apologized for my behavior. Now, he could have cared less but I had to do it because it wasn’t an accurate description of what a Christian was. I had to make that right.

Now it’s a little bit over a year later and I thank God that He brought me through a season where I almost didn’t make it. I accept His grace and His forgiveness and I have grown tremendously from this experience. I learned there were issues that weren’t dead deep down inside that I had to confront and deal with and uproot so that I don’t have another downward spiral. It hurt like heck but I am thankful for the lesson, I’m thankful for what I had to go through because I learned. I’m thankful that God never left me and fought hard for me. As a result, I made it to my 3rd spiritual birthday.

Side note: The United Night of Worship ((UNOW) event that I referred to earlier is an annual event and an amazing worship experience that you wouldn’t want to miss. This year it will be on September, 28th at City Hall Plaza from 5-8pm

As I close, I can’t help but get teary eyed while I recant this story and also feel extremely vulnerable as I place this on a public forum for everyone to see. I could be judged. This blog can not be received well. Anything can happen. If someone is struggling, reads this and pushes through to victory because of my willingness to share though, I’ll take the chance on the negativity any day. I got to victory, so can you. I’m far from perfect, I’m not where I used to be, but praise God I’m not where I was last year.

Cheers to 3 years in Christ and forevermore to go

xo

Tasha