Original Post: 2013
It was June of 2001. I walked into the Dimock parking lot where my
mother introduced me to Clare Wessling (or Aunty Clare as I came to call
her). See my mom and Aunty Clare met at a parent meeting for those that
would be joining the METCO program (Concord Carlisle Regional High
School). They were determined that their daughters would meet and be
friends…boy am I thankful. I stepped onto the school bus extra nervous
and quiet and sat in front of her..TC. We said hi. I wasn’t sure what
else to say so I just faced forward and looked out the window. 2 minutes
later she handed me a magazine to read, I smiled…..this marked the
start of a beautiful friendship.
I think our parents were low key shocked at how close we became so
fast…but she was awesome. That was and is my sister. We were always
together in whatever we did, wherever we went. The first couple years of
high school we weren’t “popular” but we had each other so we didn’t
even notice. It wasn’t long before TC found an old picture of herself in
preschool (s/o to Berea) and saw me in the school pictures. Apparently
we were friends when we were like 3. Interesting how God brings people
back together. Everyone knew Tasha and TC came as a pair. Always
hanging, always talking on the phone, always getting in
trouble…together, lol. Unfortunately we didn’t have the same classes so
we bought a book and would write each other letters and hand them off
when we were switching class. We even had our own code that no one could
tell in case something top secret (like the guy we have a crush on).
That was my best friend and I, 2 peas in a pod, ying and yang.
Eventually high school was over and I became very worried that going
to different colleges would damage our relationship. She was the only
other person I became close enough to, to call a best friend since my
best friend in Jamaica, Simone. Not to mention that she was one of the
first real friends that entered my life after a first rough year in the
U.S. She went off to Dean and I went to Northeastern. Thankfully though,
we remained very active in each others lives. Things eventually got
sour though, and that’s the focus of the blog.
After moving to Florida for a few months and returning to Boston, we
lived together in my dorm room. At the same time another friend of mine
(we’ll call her “A”) came to live with us also due to issues that she
was having at home. It was 3 of us and my room mate in one room.
Crowded? Yes. But so much fun and so much bonding. Some of the best
times of my life. Since I was still in school full time and working part
time , I would only get to see her for the full amount of time on
weekends or weeknights only. TC and “A” either stayed in my room or went
out together whether it was shopping or looking for a job together. I
imagine all this time spent together bonded them and so they developed a
really close friendship with one another. I was fine with that…then. Or
at least I thought it was. Eventually I moved off campus and back home
since I was going to be doing an internship for 6 months. The start of
the internship was so hectic, I wasn’t able to see her for close to 2
months (we were no longer living together at this point). I knew it was
okay though because she had “A” to hang out with and provide her with
company.
One day I decided we HAD to have a best friend night, it was
way too long since we had seen each other. We made plans for the
following week to go to the movies I think. It was set. The day came and
she ended up canceling because her and “A” were going to go to a club
or a party, or something, lol. She said I should come with them. At that
moment I can just remember myself being so mad at her. My perception of
the situation was that I was her best friend, she hadn’t seen me in so
long and all I ask is for one day and she blows me off for someone she
sees all the time. I declined her offer, went “away” on AIM and put up
the status “just me, myself and I”. Please note that this was MY
perception and she might have perceived this differently.
You see what’s happening here? If not, continue reading. I was mad at
her but I don’t think at that point I was “I’m never going to talk to
you again” mad at her. I think 1 or 2 weeks passed with me not speaking
to her and “A“‘s birthday was coming up. She wanted to go to UMASS
Amherst for their blackout weekend party and she wanted TC and I with
her. So I went. And for the entire day and night (turned into a
sleepover) I did not speak with TC. TC has always been the calmer storm
between the both of us. I was the only one with the beef/temper. Her
attitude was more like “you don’t want to talk to me? ok”. At the end of
the trip I texted “A” to tell TC that the only thing holding us
together was some money she owed me and that I wanted it back. TC sent a
message back basically saying no and I became enraged. There was this
huge fight which “A” eventually became involved in and the friendship
was over. Just like that. After everything we had been through and after
6 years of friendship..splat.
I think 2.5 years went by where we did not speak to each other.
Defriended her on everything and lost her number…ok, I deleted it.
How we got back in contact with each other:
I’ve said this before
and I’ll say it again, it’s amazing how God uses things/situations
(whether good or bad) to bring people back together. I received a call
from a mutual friend of TC’s and I( we’ll call her “B”). B never really
paid much attention to her Facebook time line but for some reason she
was paying attention to her timeline and noticed that TC said something
along the lines of saying goodbye to her mother. It was vague enough for
B to call me and ask me if everything was okay with TC and her mom. I,
of course new nothing since we weren’t in contact, so I decided to send
her a message asking her to put aside our differences and let me know
what was going on. Aunty Clare had cancer, and she was dying..
literally. They gave her no more that 48 hours to live and I just
happened to be looking for information. Thankfully TC graciously let me
come see her mother before her passing. I remember that her mother was
to the point where she could no longer speak, but her eyes were glued to
me from the moment I entered the room. I remember whispering to her and
promising her that TC and I would be just fine and we’d work things
out. I also remember running to comfort TC when she broke down, kind of
like a reflex even though I had no clue what to say. No matter what we
had been through that instinct to be there for her was still there and
strong as ever. From that moment on, we reconciled
So why am I telling this story? Looking back at what went down, I
learned a lot about the situation and about myself that I think can be
applicable to others.
1. When you are having an issue with someone, address the issue head
on in a loving and non confrontational way. People aren’t mind readers.
Was TC’s act of “blowing” me off wrong? Sure. Did she really mean to do
that? Probably not. She probably didn’t know what was going on or how I
was feeling. If I had actually taken the time to verbally explain to her
how I was feeling I’m sure she would have cancelled the plans she made
with “A” and stuck to our original plan. This could have and should have
been avoided.
2. When you’re mad or upset with someone else, take a moment to
really sit and reflect on WHY you’re mad at this person or situation?
Was I mad about her changing plans? Yeah, but looking back it was only a
SMALL part of the reason. To be 100% honest, I was really just jealous.
She was MY best friend’s not “A”’s, I felt like I was losing her and I
was hurt by that. I was in the midst of struggling with feeling rejected
by my dad (though I wasn’t really aware of this at the time) and I
feared that she would leave or drop me the way I felt that he did. So I
decided to leave first so that she couldn’t leave me. Once again, I feel
like if I actually said this to her she would have understood. I
learned that I need to SPEAK UP (I’m still actively working on this).
3. Don’t involve 3rd parties in your drama. Poor “A”. I’m
SO sorry. The fact that I used “A” to ask TC for the money she owed me
was completely unnecessary and immature. GROW UP! We’re grown people, we
can talk directly to person about we need to (in a civil manner). Poor A
was caught in the middle of 2 friends and I’m so embarrassed to even
admit that I did this. Thank God for saving me, for growing up and
maturity
4. Life is short and not guaranteed. That could have easily been TC
in the hospital. She could have died or I could have died without
getting to reconcile. It’s not worth it, it’s just not. Get over it,
kiss and make up.
5. Money. It’s a tricky issue to deal with especially when it
involves family and friends. We all want to help out the ones we love,
but it has the chance of turning sour really quickly when someone’s back
is against the wall. Losing a relationship as a result is not worth it.
I have learned not to loan money to people if I’m in a position to miss
it if it’s not returned. Decide when you are loaning someone money, that
you are going to GIVE it to them (you don’t necessarily have to tell
them this). That way you’re not expecting it back. If they return it,
that’s great! That’s awesome. It’s kind of like having extra money to
play with. If they don’t, that’s fine too. You weren’t expecting it back
in the first place. If you can’t give the money then don’t loan it.
Point, blank, period.
Aaah, this is long. I feel like it’s okay though since I haven’t posted a blog in weeks!
TC and I are on good terms but I do want to end by publicly
apologizing to you, my Steecie. I was stupid, I acted stupidly, I
promise I have grown a lot since then. I’m sorry for not being real and
honest about what I was feeling. In doing that I never gave you the
chance to make things better. I’m sorry for all the mean things I said
to you, about you and for giving you the cold shoulder. I’m sorry I
didn’t value our friendship enough to fight for it. I’m sorry for
letting go. I’m sorry for not being there from the moment Aunty Clare
became sick. I love you more than words can explain. We may not see each
other all the time but I now know that true friendship can still be
strong with distance as we both live our lives. You are an amazing
person and an amazing friend. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you
for allowing me to come and say goodbye to your mother and allowing me
to help plan her memorial service regardless of the way I treated you. I
look forward to chilling with you in a nursing home in a random island
when we’re old and rinkely. Love you chica!
Love,
“Crooksie” <3
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