Trusting God

Original Post: 2012

Recently my mother took a trip to Israel to walk in the footsteps of Christ. It’s this really cool tour (which I would like to go on one day) that takes you to all the places that Jesus visited or did something big in the Bible. Though this was not my first time being left alone in the country, this would be my first time being home and holding down the fort by myself while mom was gone. I discovered it to be the most lonely and sad feeling that I had ever experienced.

Mom was gone for 10 days. I tried to fill my days up with things that I knew needed to be done (i.e. school, work, building my business) but regardless of the fact that I was occupied with things to do, I still felt that loneliness. 2 days before more mother left I had a dream that I think had to do with two different situations merging into 1. In my dream I was in my mother’s car driving by myself on my way home. I saw someone (I only saw their back, couldn’t see their face) throwing gasoline all over the place. Since this was more of a super natural dream, I dreamed that the gasoline wasn’t only being thrown on buildings but also all over the air and it was sticking to the air. The person threw it in every direction that I would used to drive to my house. I continued to drive in confusion. Then the person lit a match and set everything on fire. I was in the middle of fire, by myself and had no clue how to get out. I can remember circling all over the place in the car trying to find an escape route. Before I could find out what happened, I woke up from my sleep.

In talking to my mother about this, she told me that fire meant contention, confusion, conflict or someone trying to start trouble. Needless to say that same day I came upon a big conflict which is neither here nor there. I want to focus on the part of the dream that I didn’t pay so much attention to…the fact that I was alone. I believe that God uses different avenues and mediums to communicate with people. Whether it’s through His still voice while a person is having their quiet time, His Word, a song or even another person. More importantly, He has been known to speak through dreams which is something I started to experience when I was 16 even though I wasn’t even in Christ yet. In my dream I think He was trying to reveal to me the conflict that was coming my way but I also think the part that I missed was that I would have to go through it alone. The moment the conflict started was the moment my mother left the country and I was by myself.

Now I’ve always been independent, my mom raised me that way. I was never one to run to her will all my problems so she could fight my battles. I would fight or handle what I needed to handle on my own but always took comfort in the fact that I knew she was physically there for me if I ever needed. God was teaching me how to handle things on my own without her physically there, because she won’t always be. In my loneliness and sadness I was forced to turn to God and depend on Him in a way that I have never depended on Him before. 1) Israel and Egypt has always been portrayed as countries with a lot of political unrest and as a result there are lot of kidnappings that happen with American tourists that are over there. If that didn’t worry me enough, my friend’s father was on a tour and was kidnapped while in Egypt (heart wrenching) and my mother was going to be on the same tour route that he got kidnapped from. 2) I had this conflict that was clouding me and I had to deal with and 3) I was just straight up feeling alone.

God does everything for a reason though. As I reflected on this I had to ask myself, do you really trust God? I mean REALLY trust Him? Trust that He will protect your mom from harm and danger and bring her back to you? Trust that even if He doesn’t protect her and she doesn’t come back that He knows best and that He is still worthy to be praised? Do you trust that He can bring you through the fire of conflict? Trust that He will never leave you or forsake you? Trust that in your loneliness He is right there with you? If you do trust God, why are you so worried? Why are you so sad? Why are you reacting to your emotions? Eye opener. From then on out I felt my praise go to another level. I prayed in a way that I’ve had never prayed before, a prayer or confidence and authority. I started to fill my heart with the Word and with gospel songs. I began to speak to myself and encourage myself for words can give you life or death depending on the ones you choose. As the days went by, it became easier; the mood that I had and the way I felt began to change because I started to fill myself with joy and life.

My mom is now back in the U.S. safe and sound. I’m so happy and hugged her for the longest time. She had a blast. For the record my friend’s dad that got kidnapped was released a few days later unharmed, praise God for that!

Prior to this experience I used to think of the day that my mom died. I would beg God to make her live to be really old and to wait until I got married and have kids, that way I wouldn’t be alone. Yes it would hurt like hell but I would have a family of my own to help me get through it. If I had none of those, who would I have? I’m a single child of my mom. My family on her side aren’t very close nor do we talk that often. So if she went, I would have no one, I’d be all by myself. Through her leaving I learned to realize that the Father will be with me. Would I still prefer physical humans such as a husband and kids? Sure! If I don’t have that though, I know I have Him and He will take me through any and everything because He loves me THAT much.

Know that God is always with you. No matter what you’re going through or how lonely you feel. He knows, He’s there, He understands and wants to hold your hand through it. He’s a gentleman though and won’t force you. So let Him…

-Tasha