Battle of the Exes

If you've been following my blogs a lot or even if you know me personally, you'll learn very quickly that I'm a thinker. I guess that's what causes me to be able to write so many blogs..I think a lot and I like to put my thoughts into words on paper.

So what has been on my mind lately? Friends and Exes. What if you found out your friend was dating your ex? How would you feel? Do you have a right to feel that way? Why am I even thinking about this? Who knows. Regardless I started to ask a bunch of men and women how they felt about their friends dating their exes. Was it okay? Did it matter? Is there an unwritten "code" that people are supposed to follow? Juicy!

Here's some commonalities that I found in the conversations that I had:

Women:

There is definitely a girl code. Dating a friend’s ex is not okay and not cool. That’s only leaving room for drama and anyone that would do that is not really your friend. There is some wiggle room in that though and it depends on the situation for some ladies. For some of them, if there isn’t any emotional attachment (i.e. they are over that guy completely), they would be okay with their friend dating the guy, however, the friend must ask them permission first. Also, even if there was no official relationship title (e.g. in college when people hook up or the whole friends with benefits thing), if a girl was intimate with a guy that still counts as an ex, just because girls tend to be more emotionally attached when sex is involved.

Men:

There is a guy code but may not be as strictly enforced as the girl code is. Theirs is much more situational. If the guy was just having sex with the girl then that “ex” is fair game with the friends. They don’t care. However if the guy was in a relationship with her and was known to love her, she’s off limits. If the guy has kids with her…off limits. Some guys will break this code (as I said in the beginning it’s not as strictly enforced), but guys tend to get over things quickly anyways.

After asking them this, I was curious as to whether or not this "code" had an expiration date. For example “what if you dated that ex 20 years ago?” or “what if you are now married to someone else?”. For ladies, the time stamp on the end of the relationship isn’t as black and white so it varies. However, they did say that if they were married to someone else then that code becomes null and void. Men were pretty much the same, but some men said they didn’t care, that ex is off limits forever.

My personal opinion kind of lays in the midst of all that was said above. If I am no longer emotionally attached to the ex, I'm fine with my friend dating them as long as they run it by me first. It's at least respectful to do that, I would hate to find out from somewhere else that my friend and ex were together. I think I'm at the stage in my life that I am not emotionally tied to all of my exes except for one. If my friend were to date that one exception, it would hurt me.

Then I got to playing devil's advocate and started thinking, do we really have a right to say who our friends can and can't date? I mean people aren't property. When I think about it on a deeper level, God has a specific plan for me regarding who I should and shouldn't date. I'm pretty sure He didn't tell me to date any of my exes, I went rogue and did what I wanted to do for years. So if one of my exes was the one that God intended for one of my friends, who am I to say "No. You can't date him because that would hurt me?", I wouldn't have has that soul tie to begin with had I not gone rogue. And who's fault is that? Mine. Whatever I feel as a result of my friend dating him is sort of my consequence for not obeying..right?

Needless to say, now...I don't know. I'm interested to see what other people's thoughts are if would like to share.

xo
Tasha