Stepping Out in Faith

For  the past 2 months I have been praying intentionally to God about a decision that I had to make. I was partaking in a part time gig that could eventually give me the opportunity to have things like financial freedom, owning my own time, retiring when I want to at any age etc. I had been embarking in this journey for about 3 years though but to be honest I was really only putting in the effort for a little bit over one year. I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated and unhappy with my lack of results. There were certain things that I wanted to see happen that weren't happening seemingly no matter what I did. I wanted God to tell me what to do.

So I prayed and prayed and prayed. I waited, I looked for signs from God but it seemed like He wasn't saying anything to me. What did that mean? Does God's silence mean that I should figure it out for myself? Did it mean "I'm not saying anything because I want you to continue pushing?", or did it mean "Go ahead and get out!"? I was frustrated on top of already being frustrated.

I went to home (Jamaica) for three weeks to see family and have some R&R. Back home things are more silent for the most part and seemingly more "simple" than the U.S. In this simplicity I realized I smiled in a way  that I haven't smiled in a long time, there was a joy in my heart that I could not explain. I enjoyed having to throw things on the outside line to dry instead of putting it in a dryer. Having to heat food on the stove because we don't have a microwave. Going to the market to buy fruit and food, only having access to two channels because we don't have cable, going outside on my favorite stairs to sit and stare at the island for hours.

 Partial view of my backyard.

I enjoyed family, sitting around the dinner table and telling stories, lounging in the living room chairs telling each other jokes, just enjoying one another. Everything that brought such joy to my life didn't include anything "fancy" at all. Just time to be with them. That's when it came to me. I've been searching so long for answers when what I really needed to do is bring it back to the basics. What do I really want at the basic level? I know what I want in the future, I know what my future dreams and aspirations are, but what is the basic thing that I want out of life? I want to be HAPPY.

Hanging with my cousins

Doesn't sound like much and I didn't know how important it was to me but it is...at the most basic level. When I thought of where I was, what I was doing, my life on a day to day basis, I wasn't truly happy, I was miserable. Every single day I had to do something or go somewhere I would dread it so much. That's no way for anyone to live. I remember as a teen trying to think about what I wanted to be when I grew,  the only thing I knew is that I didn't want to do anything where I would be unhappy. And there I was...unhappy. I know sometimes we have to put ourselves in less that comfortable situations to make dreams come true and to be successful in some areas but I don't think (as it pertains to my life) that, that automatically means that you have to be unhappy while in that "uncomfortable" stage in life. Life is too short to be unhappy. My best friend died shortly after she turned 23. I'm sure she thought she had her entire life ahead of her and it was tragically cut short. I could be gone tomorrow, life is not guaranteed. I want to make sure that I live everyday of my life being happy.

After realizing this I decided to let go of my part time gig. I'm not sure if God actually spoke through this experience or not but I definitely had an "aha" moment while I was home. Maybe this was his way of speaking to me, I don't know. What I do know is that not every opportunity (no matter what it promises) is for everyone, and that's okay. If it is for you, run and pursue it with all you have. I would only hope my former team members so do that. However, don't speak negatively about those it's not for. It doesn't speak to their ability to dream, work ethic or successful future, they might be successful in other areas that are a better fit for them. If it's not for you, cool, but don't speak negatively of those that it is for. Let them be an support them! Too often we tear people that are trying to go somewhere down.

This was not for me, I'm okay with accepting that. A little nervous because I still have goals and dreams and I won't get to them with only one revenue of income but I also feel peaceful because my God is a God of breaking down the impossible. I'll make it some other way and this time I'll be happy!

Do what makes you happy and make sure you are on board with God's plan for your life. He is the only one that determines your success or failure.

Cheers to stepping out in faith!

Strolling in NYC

XO Tasha